Thursday, March 25, 2010

Nurse Follies: Quote of the Week

At the end of a rather harried shift...

Me: I think I will go apply at McDonald's this morning.

RN: I think I'm just going to become a stripper. There's more dignity in it.

Monday, March 22, 2010

I Didn't Forget!!

So, my big 35th birthday was Sunday. We had a group outing to Hamburger Mary's on Saturday because most people work on Monday morning. The plan was to go have dinner, then go to another location and burn the place down.

It would appear that Alzheimer's-Riddled Mother Nature had other plans and dropped 10 inches of snow on KC. Dinner went well (I will post a review later), the other half of my plan didn't materialize because the streets were shit.

I have issued a rain check for debauchery. Particularly on a night where there is no snow and the weather is pleasant.

Sunday, Mom and Mr. Recommendation treated me to a champagne brunch at V's (another review later), which was absolutely awesome, and probably the best brunch in KC.

Later, I had a nap. It was glorious. That evening, I got to hang out with a special friend. Aside from the weather, I'd say a good birthday weekend.

I'm 35 years old. Funny, I don't feel like I should be 35. No, not like those women who desperately cling to their youth by patronizing a plastic surgeon, and raiding their teenage daughter's closet. When I look in the mirror, I see the fine lines around my eyes and mouth as badges earned for enduring. I don't know what 35 is supposed to feel like, but it doesn't feel any different than 25. Age is just a number. Attitude is everything.

And you probably thought I forgot about my toy giveaway. I didn't. I'm not tech savvy enough to use one of those computer name things. Hell, I'm still looking for screenshots I saved last year. Instead, I wrote down the names, tossed them in the infamous purple boonie hat, and drew the winner. Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

Oh? You probably want to know who that is, huh??


Utah is in for a surprise drop of sex toys, because Beckle the Freckle has won the drawing. Wootness!! So, Beckle, you shall be getting an email from me, and I will be shipping you a box full of all kinds of naughtiness.

Just don't tell the Mormon church it was from me.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Better Luck Next Time!

So, I didn't win the blog makeover giveaway thingie. Oh some, lose some. I went to check the winner to see what their blog was about. Well, I really couldn't tell you what it was about...I fell asleep part way in.

Night shifters...we're so unreliable.

At any rate, I guess we are stuck with the white (or rather, off-white, or maybe more grayish than white) on black until I can procure my own blog master (or mistress) that won't charge me my left kidney for a complete overhaul. Or even someone who can be paid in sex toys. Money is so common...why not be compensated with the gift that keeps on giving!

That being said, I am still holding my Pleasure Chest Giveaway. Now, I am opening up entries for whomever wants to enter. The ones who selfless pimped my blog, you get three extra entries, which puts you at a definite advantage.

I've been putting together the Pleasure Chest, and I must say that it's looking pretty good. I tend to overdo with things like that...which can only mean good things for the winner.

So, if you want to enter, just leave a comment. And I will announce the big winner on my birthday...March 21, which used to be the First Day of Spring, until some asshole scientist decided that the first day of spring was March 20. Whatever. In my book, the first day of spring will always be on my birthday. How else am I supposed to remember when it is when I'm a senile senior citizen?

I didn't do anything spectacular for St. Patrick's Day. I thought about going out with the masses of asses and drink green-colored beverages so I can have green urine later. But then, I remembered I'm not Irish, and I have a birthday I need to save my reserves for. Instead, Mom and I enjoyed Mongolian BBQ. Because nothing says Happy St. Patrick's Day like a steaming plate of stir fry.

Time to go to bed...I've got work to prepare for!!

Friday, March 12, 2010

Wanted: A Kickass Makeover...And You Can Help!!

My colleague, Candice, has a totally awesome blog that I'm obsessed with. She is bitingly sarcastic, crude, funny, witty, and intelligent. I think we are related. It's probably good that she lives in Texas. So much awesome cannot be contained in one state. Just ask Chuck Norris.

More to the point, she got a nifty blog makeover. I found myself envious, because I'm not overly blessed with html-fu and can't craft an equally snazzy layout. Then, she announced a blog makeover giveaway and I got excited. Let's face it, the only thing eye-popping at GB is the title. I've already heard enough bitching about the white-on-black writing to give me hemorrhoids, to which none of my coworkers are willing to help take care of.

I think many of you would agree I think some sprucing up here. Not to toot my horn, but this blog has been linked from a few sites for new or aspiring nurses (the site was supposed to encourage them...I still don't know why my blog was linked as it would seem to have the opposite effect). This blog has been linked from Fark (probably the greatest moment in this blog's life). It's been linked from a couple national news sites. Plus, I am confident that it is the bane of a certain Extreme Home Makeover Recipient who is currently running for public office.

Such a special site should have a special look to go with it. Don't you agree?

Besides, Candice promises that I will get laid more if I get a new blog layout. Toys can only get you so far, people!

So, you may be wondering how you can help. (No, not by offering lay-services.)

Well, you can leave a comment as to why you think I need a new blog layout. Sure, you can go over to her site and enter for your own blog (and I will pretend to not notice). But by leaving a thoughtful and passionate plea, you will also have a chance at doing yourself a big favor.


Well, for everyone who submits a comment, they are entered into a drawing for a cache of toys so you can really do yourself a big favor later. And I'm not talking Legos. I almost feel like an idiot for having to clarify this point, but as sure as I sit here, someone is going to be wondering...these toys/accessories are new and unused.

Even if I don't win the contest, you still come out the winner. Over and over again. Hell, it could even prove an interesting evening for more than one person should you decide to share your spoils (if you are into that sort of thing...not that there is anything wrong with it).

Is this bribery? Perhaps. Am I shameless? Absolutely! But I've been meaning to have a toy giveaway, and this seems like a good kill-two-birds-with-one-stone opportunity.

To be entered, you need to leave a comment on this blog letting me know you pimped me out. On the 21st (my birthday!), I will take the names and make Indy draw one out of a hat. I will then send you an email and soon your prize will come in the mail. Not everyone can make the claim of having the ability to deliver orgasms to your doorstep. I can.

Good luck and may the schwartz be with you...and me as well!

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Drink Tea and Pee! (Out Your Ass)

(Disclaimer: This post is all kinds of full of TMI. However, at General Blather, we are all about normal body functions, and some not-so-normal. Consider yourself warned.)

Indy and I made our annual pilgrimage to the KC Home Show a few weeks back. I am happy to report that I didn't make any big water feature purchases this year. I did get another rubber broom, and few other little handy gadgets that my life as a homeowner is obviously incomplete without having, and of course, the complimentary yard stick that gets handed out to everyone. I think I have three or four of them. I may have used one once to hang a couple pictures on the wall. Usually, I just use them to smack Indy around with.

Don't worry...he likes it.

This year, there was a lady who had a booth featuring all kinds of loose leaf tea. I love tea. Probably more than coffee. I'm trying to drink more tea because of all the added health benefits, not to mention because my Starbucks habit was getting a bit ridiculous. At any rate, Indy wandered off to talk to someone about patio furniture, and I perused the tea offerings. She had a couple samples to actually try. All the teas she sold, she had in little glass jars so people could smell them. The actual purchases were in sealed, foil bags. So, no one was in danger of going home with a dried booger in their tea.

Because she was running a special, I bought four bags of different kinds of tea. Three of them green (with strawberry, raspberry and cherry), one rooibos (a cinnamon vanilla mix). I decided to take a packet, and my little steeping ball, to work and drink tea instead of the four-am coffee or soda.

Oh. My. God. Never before had something so delicious passed my lips. That Saturday, I drank three 12 ounce cups of hot tea. Sunday night, I had the same. I even shared with coworkers, who also agreed that my new discovery was the complete, and absolute, shit.

And speaking of...

Green tea is a funny thing, and something I failed to remember, a natural laxative. I wasn't drinking it to lose weight or be regular...I drank it because I loved the stuff!! So, imagine my surprise at waking up Monday afternoon with an emergent need to run to the bathroom. Where I frequented the better part of Monday evening, and all day Tuesday.

By the time Tuesday night rolled around, I was practically in tears because my little brown one-eye felt like it was on fire. I refused to eat anything because I knew at some point, I would have to digest it. The terror-alert at Casa de Blather had gone to did my toot-hole (I assume).

I stopped the mass consumption of the tea, and only drink it sparingly. A cup here, a cup there. So far, everything has been smooth sailing with no relapses. I still will order more tea, because the strawberry kicks ass. So does the raspberry. The cherry...not so much.

So, let this be a warning to you. Green tea is not to be trifled with. There's a reason that Asian cultures drink it in little cups.