The Nightmare that is the NCLEX...

I took boards today...and is was hell. I felt nauseated on the drive to the testing center. Apprehension when I signed in...fingerprints, pictures, signatures. They are pretty serious when it comes to testing. I had to remove my watch, and had to spit my gum out. No comforts whatsoever.

I felt like I didn't know anything. That my brains had fallen out of my ears, landing on the floor by my feet...waiting for my to collect them when I was done with the test. Two years of nursing classes had culminated to this one test...and damned if I couldn't remember any of it.

Most everyone I have talked to took only 75 questions before the computer would shut off. I had 150 questions. Right when I had resigned to taking the full 265 questions, the computer shut off. I gasped, and I am sure other people heard me.

I've been through a lot of hard things, this test being among the hardest. I won't be able to find out if I passed until Friday afternoon...and even then I don't know if I will, or just wait until that dreaded letter comes in the mail. Out of site, out of mind.

I've been in shock all day, but I am glad it is over. Now I can worry about what I am going to do if I failed...which chances are pretty good that I did.

A nurse, is a nurse, is a nurse...

My nursing boards are coming up this Wednesday...and I am not ready. I said I would do thousands of practice questions before the test...but I may have done around 500 or so. I guess at this stage in the game...either you know it by now, or you don't. So, we will see this week if I know it or not. I'm still nervous about it. So far, almost everyone in my class who has taken boards has passed...save for a couple people we know who failed.

My job is going well. I am finally coming to a point where I feel confident and know what I am doing. My preceptor has sort of left me to my own devices, sort of a sink or swim approach. So far, I am doing fine. I like everyone I work with. I like my floor, even though I hate how they get dumped on sometimes. In a couple years, I would like to take a couple months off from work and go do a travel assignment...maybe in Hawaii or Florida. I hear California pays extremely well. My ultimate job would be cruise nursing.

I comfortable with my degree in Nursing. Some people do not have the good fortune of having their parents pay for college. So, there are a couple new grads with BSN's who look down on my lowly two-year degree. I just want to punch them in the nose. Guess what...we work at the same hospital, do the same job, and make the same salary. I've also come to know some 4-year nurses who can't find their ass with two hands. Scary!

The Ills of the In-laws

My little brother is getting married. Oh joy. My brother, who will turn 27 by the end of the year, will finally attain what he has so much wanted for as long as I can remember. Too bad he is more in love with the idea of being married, more than actually being in love with the woman he is going to marry. My brother, once an energetic guy, ready to go out into the world and catch it by it's tail, now reduced to a quivering blob of "yes dear". He is not only on a short leash, but he is also on a choke collar.

My sister-in-law...to be...would seem as though she stepped right from a Jerry Springer show...somewhere between "My Father is Also My Pimp" and "Who is the BabyDaddy?" Bad bleach blonde hair with very dark roots, electric blue fingernail polish, pink eyeshadow, and a baby in tow. She comes with more baggage than Gucci. She fears strippers, has no sense of humor, and I'm convinced she keeps my brother locked in a box...only letting him out to go to work and to go with her to kareoke or the bowling alley. He met her on the internet.

Some people should never be allowed access to a computer.

After a long courtship of 3 months, we have news of an engagement. A wedding date has been set before them having even known each other for 1 year. Lucky me, I get to be the photographer...but because they are poor, and I am the sister, I am not charging them for the services everyone else would have to pay close to a grand for. Yes, I do love my brother...even though I personally think he is putting his manhood in a meatgrinder and asking his wife to turn the crank. I'm not alone in my sentiments, and yet no one says a word for fear of alienating him.

My brother has always been one who learns from experience. He never believes in what other people tell him, and the examples he sees never apply to him. So, he will learn his lesson in love the hard way. It was enough for me to watch how our parents struggled, to know never to settle for anything less than what you want. I suppose if all you want is a family of your own, without all the good things that go in it...trust, respect, honesty...any warm body will do. My brother has definitely found that warm body. I only wish I could teach him to look within himself first and find the happiness there he has been looking for, instead of expecting that some stranger is going to magically give it to him.

Everything else after that, is just icing on the wedding cake.