Fabulous Indy

I have known Indy for almost 8 years now. We met when I started working for ACME hospital, and he was a physical therapist. I was drawn to his laid-back personality, his readiness to laugh, and immense kindness. We became friends, hung out, hung out more. Naturally, I developed a crush on him. As far as having "the talk", it would usually go something like this:

Me: Why aren't we dating again?
Indy: I don't know.

You ever know someone who you kinda suspect they are gay, but are afraid to ask? He had an effeminate quality about that you had to be perceptive to catch. He loved to shop. He was a snappy dresser. A lot about him screamed homosexual, but he even baffled my other gay friends who had met him and still were not completely sold on the idea that this was a man who was trapped in the closet. After a few years of being besties, I finally come out and asked him if he was gay. He seemed mortified by the very idea.

Indy: I LOVE pussy!

Indy and I went everywhere. Like peas can carrots we were. He was always happy and cheerful, which served as a great balance to my dark, brooding moods. We even went on three cruises together. During those times, we would be in close quarters. He was always a perfect gentleman. Not once did he ever attempt anything.

My straight guy friends nodded their heads knowingly. They told me that any straight guy would try to "tap that" in those same circumstances. Because, well, guys are sex-crazed dogs that way. You put one in close proximity to a female for a week in international waters, something is going to happen. It wouldn't matter if the girl had two heads. Their verdict: straight up gay.

But I was still puzzled. By then, the crush had long faded and I looked at him more like another brother. My Mom thought of him as another son. My family, having met and hung out with him on more than one occasion, were also puzzled. Indy was gay. Everyone seemed to know it...but Indy. Why in the hell would that come boy not come out of the closet?

Then, Indy took a day job, and found new friends. My contact with him, due to our opposing scheduled, grew less and less. His social calendar suddenly blew up. Drinks here, Gatherings there. Group outings with a bunch of men to go see Gone with the Wind (yeah, that's pretty gay). And there was always this one guy who was right in the thick of it with him.

Could it be, our Indy finally came out and had found himself a boyfriend??

It would appear that yes, he did. But now it's one of those things that is out in the open, but not out in the open. They are a couple, Indy and this guy who likes to go out wearing roller skates and a tutu (WTF!), but Indy isn't proudly waving the rainbow flag. Everyone knows about it, but no one really talks about it. I wonder if this has anything to do with his very elderly parents and the whole devout Catholic thing.

Hiding who you are is a bunch of nonsense, by the way. People should be able to love who they want, without fear of being persecuted (the obvious exception being children...I wholly support public castration for pedophiles). But I recognize that not all people are tolerant and open minded, and people who live outside the monogamous heterosexual box do still have to exercise some caution because we still live in an area populated by ignorant rednecks. Judging people based on a religious belief is like telling the people of the world they are wicked if they don't use the standard measurement system. Not everyone subscribes to it, and that doesn't make them wrong.

Indy is obviously happy. And I am happy for him. I wonder how much self-loathing he carried, concealed behind of mask of shiny, happy. Maybe he always knew, and was just that damn scared to acknowledge it.

Today Was a Better Day

Yesterday was Water park Wednesday. What this means, is that I have to put on a swimsuit and go to the local water park with Sis-in-Law-in-Transit, and her two brood. The things we do for family! It's not a horribly bad experience, and the people watching is choice. Besides, I get to cuddle my niece and nephew. Monkey (the nephew), is starting his Terrible Twos and has faster mood swings than a bipolar woman going through menopause. The Little Lady, however, is so cute, and she smiles at me when I talk to her.

Anyway, in light of recent events, I didn't want to go. But then I thought I was okay to go. Then things sort of blew up that morning, and I didn't want to go, but I already said I would. So, off to the water park I went. And I was pretty much a human Quaalude while I was there. Sometimes, all you want to do is sit in a lawn chair, and stare at the ants on the ground as they try to move someones discarded nacho chip from one end of the sidewalk, to the other.

Today, I went to see my friend, Kant. The last time I visited her, she was in the hospital due to a toxicity related to one of her anti-rejection drugs she was taking. She had a big, fat seizure, and was a space cadet for the days that followed. She was still squirrely the morning I visited, but she was animated. It was a huge improvement from the time I saw her before that, when she barely had enough energy to sit on the couch, and maybe watch ants move a nacho chip.

She recently started peritoneal dialysis at home, which I am not overly familiar with. I must say, that it has agreed with her so far, she looked great. She hadn't been quite herself for a while, so it was heartening to see her in such a state. She showed me her PD getup, which was impressive, and I am impressed with the way her family has adapted.

We went to lunch at a local Mexican restaurant. She noticed the tremors in my hands, and I reluctantly admitted that I hadn't eaten nor slept soundly since Monday. She turned on her Mom-voice, and I got "the lecture".

I like being around Kathryn, and I feel guilty because I haven't been more readily available. I feel grateful to have someone like her in my life. Many people go their entire lives without having such a friend, someone who really gets you. Who knows what you are thinking just by one raise of the eyebrow. One who knows all your flaws and loves you anyway. One who listens to you go on and on about your crappy personal life, and listens without dropping cliches just to make you feel better. She's a true friend, and we can go a while without talking, but then reconnect and things just pick up like they were before. She is truly one of my best friends, and that is why I will be starting the testing process for a donor match fairly soon. I wouldn't do this for just anyone.

At any rate, lunch was great (it wasn't the el craphole that is in Raytown). She took me and my propane tank to a place in Parkville to get it filled. (I used to be able to get it filled for $10. Sadly, the price went up to just under $20...which sort of defeats the purpose of going there now.) We did some therapeutic shopping (I got flip-flops). Overall a good day with friend who is a constant reminder that no matter how shitty your life seems, there are always good things to get out of bed for. You just have to open your eyes and see them.