Tales From the Treadmill

So, I started going back to the gym. It's stupid to pay for a membership and not use it.

Out of all gym activities, I prefer swimming the best. It's a great workout, it's quiet, and I can think while I am cutting through the water. And, because I go late at night, the pool is almost deserted.

Of course, the trade off for going to the gym late at night is the fact that some very strange people can be found there at that hour. What does that say about me?

So there I am, trying to master the butterfly technique, which is a lot more complicated than it looks. You're body is doing two different things at once: a dolphin kick, and a "pull" with the up body. Michael Phelps makes it look so damn simple. At any rate, I'd get halfway down the pool, thinking I got the hang of it, and then try to increase my speed. Somehow, I'd lose my rhythm, and then look like I'm drowning and have to stop. Good thing there isn't a lifeguard, they would have mistaken me for drowning. THAT would have been awkward.

Back to strange people....

So, as I am plugging away, there are three people in the hot tub. A fluffy woman in what looks like a t-shirt and panties, talking to two guys who don't speak much English. She keeps going on about how smart she is. "I'm smart. I mean, I'm really smart. I was going to go to law school, I'm that smart."

Methinks that if you are trying to convince two strange men of your intelligence, you are probably anything but. Intelligent women don't have to announce it. People pretty much figure that out on their own.

There was another guy in the pool with me. A fluffy ginger who was standing in the pool, watching the tvs at the cardio station, and not doing much in terms of exercise. I'm guessing he was with Smart Lady. She got out of the hot tub, in her t-shirt and panties glory, and chastised him for not wearing a t-shirt. In a swimming pool. He grumbled something about it being swimming pool and got out, going to the men's locker room because the better half was apparently done in the hot tub.

I also spied, with my little gym eye:

- A guy working out while decked out in Real Tree camo clothes. Maybe he didn't want to be seen. He ducked into the steam room while I was floundering in the water.
- A meathead lifting weights and preening before the mirror. I always chuckled at the guys who did this. Like they were waiting for a muscle to bulge out while lifting that 10 lb weight. Finally! Affirmation that all those muscle-building protein shakes are paying off!

Sadly, the lady toting her bible was curiously absent. I've seen her a couple times, meandering around the gym with her little bible. Sometimes, she walks on the treadmill while reading it. I have no problems with people reading the bible. However, she likes to stop and read it to others. Other gym patrons are also aware of this lady, and they scatter when she hovers near.

My new obsession is obtaining a waterproof MP3 player. They exist. And I wouod much rather do laps listening to Kid Rock than of stupid people in the hot tub.