Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Happy Nurses Week!!

This June, I will have been a nurse for seven years. SEVEN!! The time has raced by faster than a man to the bathroom after having a one-liter enema. In that SEVEN years, I have been hit, kicked, pinched, spit on, shit on, pissed on, vomited on, cursed at, threatened, injured, insulted, emotionally drained, and exhausted physically.

So, how does ACME Hospital honor me, honor us, on this most sacred and holy of holidays for nurses?

With coupons for a piece of whole fruit. We were puzzled it specified whole fruit. As opposed to what? A half-eaten banana? Last year, we got coupons for a service that turns out they didn't pay any money for, but was a promotional card for some spa business that they handed out to anyone who wanted one. For free.

I don't think I want to guess what the higher-ups get for their bonuses. It will probably throw me in a deep depression that ends with a full psychotic break and I run around the hospital lobby. Naked and covered in powdered sugar singing about being a donut in my former life. Trust me...it wouldn't be pretty.

I'm just going to assume they got two pieces of whole fruit instead.


K2 said...

Happy Nurses Day! Because you're a nurse! I hope you enjoyed your fruit and that ACME hospital didn't hurt themselves honoring you!

bobbie said...

One year the hospital gave us coupons for pizza places and burger joints... One of our heart surgeons went ballistic about them ~ marched right on down to the CEO's office and ripped him a new one...
I can't remember what they gave us to replace them.

I've always hated Nurses Day ~ they pat us on the head, tell us how wonderful we are, and then go back to shitting on us the other 364 days of the year ~

Blecch ~