Saturday, August 13, 2011

General Blather: The Official Blog of the Kansas City Chiefs

So, the parental units scored extra tickets to the first game of preseason, and I got to tag along. I was somewhat enthusiastic to go, and thought a game would get my mind off of "Does he like me, or doesn't he?"

We get there, admire all the people in their Chiefs attire. Quite a few people are there, which is funny considering this could basically be called a practice game. With no training for months, the pre-game now has to be used by the coaches as part of their process of culling the herd. Starters know that their jobs are safe, so the noobs are put in the game. I think Cassel was put in for the first two minutes and then he disappeared into a black hole.

The Chiefs Cheerleaders were marginally better than last year. Marginally. It must suck being a Chiefs cheerleader. You have to dance to music that is not even playing. You get oogled by middle-aged, fat, balding men while everyone else just ignores you. KC Wolf is loved more. So is Warpaint, and he's just a horse. Sure, you get to be in a calendar, but then again, some serial killer is going to masturbate over your picture while suffocating his neighbor's cat.

It was nice to see the new improvements my tax dollars paid for. Two huge jumbo LED screens that I would start to watch until I had to remind myself that I was essentially watching the game on tv at the game. The organization is jacking themselves off silly because Taylor Swift is going to have a concert there. Of all the people they finally allow to have a concert at Arrowhead, it is that abomination. I weep for Kansas City.

A big LED screen wrapped around the entire stadium, which just was a continuous cycle of ads. Just in case you were wondering on the offical sponsors of the Chiefs:

Soda Pop: Coke
Bank: Commerce Bank
Airline: United (be careful, I hear they break guitars)
Grocery store: HyVee (what happens if a Chiefs player is caught shopping at Price Chopper?)
Beer: Anheuser-Busch
Beauty Supplies (for the cheerleaders): Beauty Brands
Phone Service: Sprint
Sports Drink: Gatorade
Health Insurance: Blue Cross Blue Shield
Vehicle: Ford
Dairy Products: Roberts
Meat Not In a Can: Farmland
Meat Product in a Can: Spam
News Channel: KCTV5
Hospital: Truman Med Center
Fast Food: KFC
Cable: Time Warner
Printing Company: Pittcraft Printing
Douche: Massengil

Okay, so I may have made that last one up. Everyone knows they prefer Summer's Eve.

As usual, you have to mortgage your house to eat there, even more so since they added some familiar culunary faces to the menu: Jack Stack, Blanc, Peachtree. The also added a Pro Shop where you can sign away rights to your firstborn for a jersey. I thought I may have seen Mother whispering to a sales lady there, while pointing at me...but I can't be too sure.

The game rolled on. And on. And on. At one point, someone in our section produced a beach ball, and so that was tossed around, and for a while, was more interesting to watch than the game. The ball sailed dangerously close to the wall, until someone popped it back into the crowd. The crowd cheered, victorious.

A relatively new feature would be the KC Rumble, which is a drumline for the team. The announcer said it was the biggest and best in the NFL, which was discouraging because there were maybe 8-10 drummers. I'm going to assume it wasn't the entire line as I know they are currently holding auditions for the drumline. I have to admit, I like the drumline better than the band that used to play. The lead singer made my ears bleed. I will also admit that I am considering auditioning for the drumline. However, it's been years since I have picked up sticks. Maybe, it's like riding a bicycle...you don't forget. When I did play, people told me that I was pretty good at it. So, we will see.

There was the standard loud douchebag in our section who was for the opposing team. Then there was his counterpart, the douchebag white knight who defended the Chiefs' honor. In there, were people roaming around, trying to ninja seats that looked empty. We were in a good section, right be Chiefs endzone. We didn't see a lot of play on our end.

We, along with 90% of the crowd, cut out at the beginning of the 4th quarter. The Chiefs lost their shirt, but it was pre-season so no one give a rat's ass. Myself included.

1 comment:

Bill the Painter said...

Wish I were there, it would have been an "experience" attending a Chief's game with you!

The reason we have the biggest drumline.....because we have the ONLY drumline.