Vacation Tales: Florida, You Mostly Suck

I once read an article about Florida, and journalist had been quoted saying, "Florida does stupid like Nebraska does corn." Apparently, another thing they do in mass quantities is rudeness.

One thing I noticed about the Sunshine State, is that they generally are not friendly folks. I was flipped off more times on the interstate, that you would have thought I had shanked Mickey Mouse. Had enough, I finally boxed in a beady-eyed soccer Mom in a Mercedes SUV behind a foul-exhaust-producing truck. I was in a land tank (Chrysler Town and Country). I had no fear.

We ate at a Boston Market, yet the clerk rolled her eyes at me when I let her know their ice machine was out. Despite the warm customer service, the line of people wanting food still went out the door.

While waiting to be seated at another restaurant, a couple locals scoffed at the wait (it was a Saturday night), blaming "tourists" as to the reason they were not being seated immediately. The word "tourists" said with a tone of disgust that suggested that Florida tourists were actually the militant branch of Al Qeieda. Sorry, assholes. What the hell do you expect in a state who's main industry is tourism? If you don't like it, move to fucking Duluth, Minnesota.

At another restaurant, the waitress was so surly, we were afraid to ask her for anything. However, we did get to see the most resplendent mullet ever. Sadly, I did not get a picture.

Mom is pretty friendly. She says hi to strangers and will engage anyone in conversation. Sometimes, she happened upon a nice person. Most of the times, those nice people were transplants from another state. It's pretty bad when the nicest person you encountered in Florida was from New York. Other times, people looked at her as if she was crazy for talking to a stranger, then slowly inched away in that uncomfortable silence that some people do when they encounter a mentally-challenged person they don't know, who randomly approaches them and starts chattering away.

Even the lady on the GPS had an attitude.

Florida is a great state to vacation in as you can always find something to do, even if it is just sitting on the beach and doing nothing. It's the people. Florida is like the Walmart of the United States. It's great to people-watch for a while, but eventually, you grow to loathe humanity.

We will be visiting Florida again next year for our vacation. Maybe Tampa will be nicer, but then again, maybe monkeys will fly out of my ass.