Wednesday, May 02, 2012

Shit Hits the Fan

So, Mom, Mr. Recommendation, and myself pack into the Jeep for our Tuesday pilgrimage to the nursing home. We stop at McDonald's to pick up a frozen coffee frappe for JoJo because we know she likes those. And off to the nursing home we go.

Upon arriving, we find that JoJo is not in our room. We are pleased because that means she is out and about somewhere, being social. But we don't find her in the common social areas. Mr. Recommendation jokingly asks if she is holed up in the smoking room. The nurse nearby brightly answers the affirmative, and informs us that JoJo has been going to smoke breaks religiously.

Mom get that look.

See, Mom is just under 5 feet tall. She is cute. Mom loves people and people love her because she's so damn friendly. She's a people person. I did not inherit this gene. I always tell people that while Small Mom is cute and fun, don't ever piss her off, because she has the wrath of a thousand screaming women upon learning that Oprah cancelled her show. This is the gene I inherited. I can also get that look, too. No, Logtar hasn't seen it yet. When he does, I'm sure he will blog that it was worse than any horror film he has ever seen.

So, Mom gets that look that tells us that critical mass is imminent, and everyone within the blast radius should seek shelter immediately. She goes charging down to the smoking room where JoJo is puffing away on the very thing that put her in the nursing home in the first place. And boy, does Mom let her have it. Right in a room full off geriatric people. Having laid the smack down, to a very surprised JoJo, Mom stomps out. Visiting time is officially over.

Mr. Recommendation and I go back outside and I talk Mom down. She is upset, crying, and angry. The way she sees it, her sister doesn't give two shits about her own life, and is more than happy to hasten her passing by resuming smoking. Mom wonders how she can care so much for a person, who doesn't care as much for herself.

It's true. You can't care for someone more than they care for themselves. I explained that JoJo is a grown woman, able to make her own choices, even if they are bad ones. She knows the risks involved. She knows that excessive smoking put her in the position she is in...oxygen dependent, crapped out heart, end-stage COPD and CHF. Even with that, she probably feels like smoking is the only thing she has to look forward to. And to be honest, I don't think her smoking is going to make a difference at this point. What's done is done. But I think that deep down, Mom always hoped that JoJo would get better and be able to leave the nursing home. This was just the harsh reminder that JoJo will not be getting better. At all.

At the end of the day, Mom and JoJo spoke on the phone. Mom apologized for her outburst, and explained that while she did not condone JoJo resuming her habit, she would not mention it again. She parroted all that I told her. I know she hates what this situation is coming to, but there's not a whole lot anyone can do about it.

Just wait and see what happens.


John Guzmán said...

Like we talked, I am sorry that your Mom has to go through this. Its rough to see others hurt themselves and not care enough for themselves. Hugs all around.

... patiently hoping and even expecting never to see the wrath of the RN!

bobbie said...

Poor Mom; poor JoJo. Poor you.
I agree ~ let JoJo be happy.