More on Fuzzy Bastards

If I could revel in a crowning achievement in home ownership, aside from actually buying the house, would be that I could finally, after many years of failure, grow a bumper crop of tomatoes. And it looked like I was well to reaching that goal.

I had a small batch of grape tomatoes ripen on the vine. I washed them and put them in the fridge, only for Paul (ND!) to discover and eat half of them before I caught him in the act. I collected two larger tomatoes that sit in my kitchen window, waiting for their moment to shine. Monday, I inspected my tomato bushes and much to my delight, I saw at least a dozen green tomatoes in varying sizes on the vine. I announced to Paul that these tomatoes would be the tomatoes I use for my World Famous Fresh Garden Salsa. All I would have to do is wait for them to get bigger, and ripen.

So, imagine my horror today when I went out to water the plants and all those green tomatoes were gone. GONE!! Neighbor kids did not do this. I had to look no further than my own backyard for the culprit.

I spotted this little fucker the other day on my deck, having just finished gnawing on a little green pear tomato. Of note, I have yet to see what a fully grown pear tomato looks like thanks to this little shithead. I had been finding little green pieces of tomato scattered throughout the deck area. Look at him! He looks guilty!! However, I know he has accomplices. Namely, the herd of squirrels that seem to relish in tormenting Sam and cleaning out the bird feeder. Not to mention the family of rabbits that live under my shed. They are all in on it. One great, big, secret combination whose sole purpose is to rob me of my tomatoes.

Mom thinks they are charming. She is grateful they are able to get nourishment in this ungodly heat. Apparently, Mother has forgotten how much she liked the World Famous Fresh Garden Salsa. I bet if I told her that the fuzzy bastards were eating her share of the salsa, she would send an exterminator over to the house first thing in the morning. Or with my brother moving in, I suggested that I could station him out on the back deck armed with a BB gun and he could pick off any illegals one by one. He did it with Mom's mice problem in her garage one summer.

Instead, she suggested that I spread moth balls around the tomato plants because they will keep critters away. I don't know if this works. It would suck if they didn't because not only would I have no tomatoes, I'd have the smell of moth balls in my back yard. It seems I have the growing part down, now I just need to protect my harvest, especially at night because that seems to be when they strike the worst. Apparently, the chipmunk was feeling rather ballsy to do it in broad daylight.

Any suggestions?

Adventures in Homebuying: Projects! Projects! Projects!!

I planted five tomato plants this morning, surveyed the damage, and decided that five tomato plants simply wasn't enough. So, I went to Lowe's and bought three more tomato plants.

More tomatoes = More World Famous Fresh Garden Salsa...it's a staple to any summer diet.

"That stuff is like crack to you, isn't it?" Paul asked me on the phone.

Yup!!

I also planted some herbs...rosemary, lavender, mint, catnip. Plus three strawberry plants because I'm hopeful. But I am mostly concerned with the tomatoes. This will make a last ditch attempt at growing my own. Couldn't grow them at the apartment. Had no luck planting them in someone else's yard. Maybe with my yard it will be different. Maybe because it's my yard, it will make a difference.

If not, I'm going to be pissed.

I also bought two new ceiling fans for the house to be replaced while I am in Atlanta, and I looked at a couple light fixtures that might work instead of that big, ugly plastic fixture that currently resides in the kitchen. I've got a little less than $600 left on the gift card. I'd say that so far, I've done a bang-up job. My last big cosmetic projects are to retexture and paint the kitchen and dining room ceilings (bye-bye popcorn), and paint the two spare rooms. The big remodel of the two bathrooms will take place later. This summer's big project will be the concrete counter tops for the kitchen. Kant's totally awesome brother-in-law will be doing those. Of all the projects, this is probably the one I am most excited about. We'll be building the mold in the garage and making the counter tops there. Be warned, I will be putting a call out to any and all able-bodied men (and women) to help carry them from the garage to the kitchen. Those are going to be some heavy bitches.

I pay handsomely in pizza and beer.

The only thing left to do today is laundry, a shower, and meet with a Pampered Chef consultant tonight. Kant's sister had a party this week, and I booked one so Little Po (her nickname) could get whatever hostess special she could get if someone booked a party. I'm kind of nice like that...sometimes.

No nap, however. I'll just sleep really, really well tonight.