Huh?

I just read that the guy who created the calendar featuring return Mormon missionaries with, gasp, their shirts off has been excommunicated. Excommunicated. As in, don't-let-the-door-hit you-in-the-ass-on-your-way-out...but you're always welcome to attend Pioneer Day. And you are still allowed to eat all the orange jello with carrot shavings you want.

Guys without their shirts off, all of them wearing pants. (Hell, if more missionaries looked like the ones in the calendar, I might be more inclined to start going to church again.) It seemed innocuous enough. Proceeds went to various charities, such as Habitat for Humanity. Did I miss something sinister lurking within the glossy pages of the calendar? Were there gay undertones that I wasn't aware of? Was one of the models Southern Baptist??

It could have been worse...it could have been return sister missionaries posing topless. Or it could have been return missionaries that served during their golden years (i.e. old people) posing topless.

I understand the reasons the church has issues with the calendar, but isn't excommunication a tad bit severe?? It's reported that the models were not disciplined....which also makes it even more puzzling.

I hope he makes one for 2009. I think I'll actually buy a couple if he does. I'll send them out to my Mormon friends and we can all burn in hell together. With iced tea.

Lent in my Bellybutton

My friend, Rachel, is a little bit Catholic-obsessed. For lack of a better term, I will call it Catholophile. I must admit, I'm a little of a Catholophile myself. I don't know why I'm so interested. Maybe it's their traditions that date back hundreds of years. Maybe it's their history. I think it may stem from when I used to work with a bunch of older, married Catholic hens, and they learned me in their ways...from Ash Wesdnesday (Why are you wearing dirt on your forehead?), to particular saints (You have a patron saint for television??), to Lent (Lint?).

Ahhh, Lent. I never knew what Lent was until about 7 years ago or so when I overheard a surgeon discussing that he gave up sugar for Lent. Another mentioned chocolate. I grilled the Catholic hens on Lent. The following year, I made one of them give up bitching about people for Lent. A Mormon making a Catholic give up her most favorite thing for 40 days. She made it through (with the help of her peers) and as a reward, I took her to lunch at Andres.

I'm always curious to hear about what people give up for Lent. This year, a Catholic friend told me that they gave up shopping/frivolous spending. A couple days later, they let slip about a shopping excursion they went on that day.

Me: You told me you gave up frivolous spending!
Catholic: It was a housewarming gift.
Me: And you just bought one?
Catholic: Well, they were on sale and I bought a couple.
Me: Ah-hah! You're going to hell.
Catholic: I can always take the others back if I decide I don't want them...
Me: So, what does God do when you break your Lenten promise?
Catholic: I'll try again tomorrow.
Me: When you stand before God, and he cries because you went shopping at Kohls during Lent, what are you going to say to Him??
Catholic: It wasn't even for me. It was a gift for someone else.
Me: That's like saying you're giving up sex for Lent, but you give someone a handjob...or a hummer.

Mormons don't observe Lent. Sure, we have Fast Sunday...which is the first Sunday of every month. We just give up food until dinnertime. However, most the things Catholics give up for Lent, are things Mormons are prohibited from doing anyway...except chocolate.

I should try giving something up for 40 days, just to see what it feels like. Just once. Just the tip.

Blogging? Starbucks? My job?

Now there is a sacrifice I could get behind.

Praise God and Pass the Ketchup

I went out to dinner with Paul (Not dating! Even though it would appear that we are anyway...) and we went to Oklahoma Joes. I've been having cravings for bbq lately, and I don't know why.


No, I'm not pregnant.


Paul (ND!) kept razzing me about church and how I don't go. Hmmm...hard to attend when you work every single weekend. By the time I get home from work, I don't have the energy to go to church and actually stay awake for the services. The bed is far more appealing, not to mention closer.


So, Paul (ND!) makes a couple more religious remarks, which I ignore. A little later in the evening he tells me about seeing Robin Givens on The 700 Club and now she's found Jesus and all that other stuff.


Paul is the first and only person I know who has openly admitted to watching that show. I come across it while channel surfing, and Pat Robertson is usually sitting there, with his eyes squinted shut, praying for God to smite down a dictator or that blue Teletubby.


I immediately conclude that Pat is responsible for Paul's proselytizing over a beef brisket sandwich, and I ban Paul from watching the show ever again. I mean, what would his Catholic parents say if they knew?

I mean, aside from the fact that he's clearly smitten with a Mormon girl...