On Notice!

I don't like going to Walmart. In fact, I can think of ten other horrible things I'd rather do than go to Walmart...like a Well Woman Exam, a root canal, or a visit to the retina specialist.

But, I have a shitload of certificates of CEUs that need printing, and Brother's tattoo pics sapped all the ink out of my printer. AND, there isn't an office store close by I can patronize. There's only a Walmart.

So, I hurry back to Electronics and get my ink cartridges, the price causing my blood pressure to elevate. Then, I stop by the Pharmacy for some lube for the ass-raping I'm about to receive at checkout.

I get in the Express Lane (because I don't want to be at Walmart any longer than I have to), right behind Cleetus Jr. and Starla with matching hickeys. Nothing says upper echelon of humans more than His and Hers Hickeys! She's as big as a mobile home, sporting God-awful prison-bitch tattoos, and looking like she took a swan dive in a tackle box.

Their friend, Earl, is the one who is buying....an 89-cent roll of paper towels. He pays with a $100 bill. The check-out girl doesn't have enough change on her register.

My head explodes.

Another lady behind me, also sees this and hauls ass over to another lane, where the product of the Kansas City School District is there. I know this because the Express Lane is 20 items or less, and this lady had 50 items in her cart. I can't fault her...she obviously can't count.

Register Lady has to find someone to make change. Cleetus and Co. are left standing there, holding their Sam's Choice paper towels. My blood pressure goes up even more. I'm seething.

Fucking White Trash Mouth Breathers!!! GAH!!!!!!!!

I decide to go to a different lane, but not before I loudly tell the guy next to me that there is an obvious reason I avoid Walmart. He agrees with me. I cast my patented Disgusted Nurse Look to Cleetus and Co. before stomping to another lane. Had I stayed there, Officer Friendly stationed nearby would have had to get off his cell phone, and intervene.

Oh, and I had to pay $90 for printer ink. PRINTER INK!!!

I hate you, Canon.

I hate Walmart, too.

On Notice!

Hey you, stupid Mother of the Year at Quick Trip on 40 and Sterling this morning. You, in the crunched up minivan.

Did you know it was 20 degrees outside this morning? I know this because I was freezing my ass off while I was filling up my gas tank.

You, on the other hand, wouldn't have known it because you sent your son out, who couldn't have been more than 10 years old, to fill up your welfare wagon. All while your fat ass stayed inside the warm minivan, shoveling muffins in your face. Your boyfriend, du jour, sitting next to you doing the same damn thing.

I saw you. I'm sure you noticed the blond in scrubs, giving you the glare of death. I hope those muffins gave you food poisoning.

That's all.