Tuesday, March 10, 2009

On Notice!

I don't like going to Walmart. In fact, I can think of ten other horrible things I'd rather do than go to Walmart...like a Well Woman Exam, a root canal, or a visit to the retina specialist.

But, I have a shitload of certificates of CEUs that need printing, and Brother's tattoo pics sapped all the ink out of my printer. AND, there isn't an office store close by I can patronize. There's only a Walmart.

So, I hurry back to Electronics and get my ink cartridges, the price causing my blood pressure to elevate. Then, I stop by the Pharmacy for some lube for the ass-raping I'm about to receive at checkout.

I get in the Express Lane (because I don't want to be at Walmart any longer than I have to), right behind Cleetus Jr. and Starla with matching hickeys. Nothing says upper echelon of humans more than His and Hers Hickeys! She's as big as a mobile home, sporting God-awful prison-bitch tattoos, and looking like she took a swan dive in a tackle box.

Their friend, Earl, is the one who is buying....an 89-cent roll of paper towels. He pays with a $100 bill. The check-out girl doesn't have enough change on her register.

My head explodes.

Another lady behind me, also sees this and hauls ass over to another lane, where the product of the Kansas City School District is there. I know this because the Express Lane is 20 items or less, and this lady had 50 items in her cart. I can't fault her...she obviously can't count.

Register Lady has to find someone to make change. Cleetus and Co. are left standing there, holding their Sam's Choice paper towels. My blood pressure goes up even more. I'm seething.

Fucking White Trash Mouth Breathers!!! GAH!!!!!!!!

I decide to go to a different lane, but not before I loudly tell the guy next to me that there is an obvious reason I avoid Walmart. He agrees with me. I cast my patented Disgusted Nurse Look to Cleetus and Co. before stomping to another lane. Had I stayed there, Officer Friendly stationed nearby would have had to get off his cell phone, and intervene.

Oh, and I had to pay $90 for printer ink. PRINTER INK!!!

I hate you, Canon.

I hate Walmart, too.

9 comments:

Donna said...

Go ahead, tell us how you REALLY feel.

Rachel said...

WalMart sucks. I hate them. They suck AND I hate them.

The end.

Candice said...

I feel your pain. Next time just go all ape shit crazy on them. It will make you feel better. Not to mention I will enjoy seeing you on the news.

Dan said...

Bad news. Frighteningly Uncommon Sense is suing you for style infringement. I think you'll win, though, since you didn't copy her unreasonable fear of children.

Faith said...

Dude, I do NOT have a fear of children. I have a HATE for children. Get it straight!

And as far as I'm concerned, letting the frustration out is a healthy thing. You people who pretend not to be frustrated with shit they encounter day to day? Yeah, you guys all wind up with cancer, mkay? Just warning you...

What're the chances that the checkout person actually wanted to make sure the $100 wasn't counterfeit? That's what my bet is that she was doing...

Melinda said...

Our WalMart here sucks. Nice to know there's another like mine.

Heather said...

Nah...she did the little counterfeit check. She simply didn't have enough change in her register.

Like these people have never heard of a bank. They also make change...and have plenty of it.

Fucking paper towels...

SmedRock said...

Get a cheap laser printer, my toner lasted almost 2 years, and cost $50 to replace.

bobbie said...

Thanks for reminding me why I don't go to Mal-wart ~ unfortunately, they're building a new one in our town. Oh goody.