Thursday, October 06, 2005

Cause for Vomit

I just read that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are expecting. Oh joyous rapture! I thought she was a virgin and going to stay that way until she got married. And she gave it away to that asshat!

I once talked to an Indian resident who claimed to be a virgin. Only to find out later from one of the nurses he dated that his idea of being a virgin was merely the Catholic method of "Pull and Pray". Maybe Katie thinks if neither party got their jollies off, it didn't count.

Tom Cruise is now reproducing. I can't help but feel sorry for the child, but then may just grow up dumb and never know that his parents have a collective IQ of 12. Ignorance is bliss.

Would it be too much to hope that Katie has post-partum depression?? I'd like to see Daddy Tom push the misses some Flintstones vitamins and tell her to go bike 10 miles on the treadmill and watch her have a nuclear meltdown. Hee!!

You are required to test out to drive a car, yet anyone with penis and vagina (because it takes both) can produce offspring. There should be a competency test for prospective parents. Nothing that folks with an average IQ couldn't pass. But it would keep Tom and Katie from inflicting their dumbness upon the world by unleashing the fruit of their loins.

So, I am going to go now and take a purge.


Uno Kidney said...

Okay. So, I am not very prone to gossip, but my friend lives in the blessed land of LA and she used to be dating a star and this is what she told us today over the email (source is Annya B., my friend that lives in Hollywierd)We were emailing about this new news about Katie being pregnanto and then she said that Tom slept with Rob Thomas (lead singer of Matchbox 20 and this was the reply when we asked for more details because it hadn't been in the news):

yes, it is true. the story is that rob's wife caught tom and rob in bed together...because you know that scientologist have this thing about being asexual or something like that. they paid her 8 million to shut up, and then tom needed a girlfriend to cover up. so, his publicist started interviewing potentials: jessica alba, lindsay lohan, katie holmes, scarlett johannson.
that's why they had the super public courtship. and, just the other day i was saying "tom and katie haven't been in the news much..." see what happened?
now, she's pregnant. that's hollywood, girls. it's gross.

So that is it, all you gossip hounds. Wild. Wierd stuff. I know some my be a little leary of my source, but when I asked her about her source she says:

very reliable...tom is confirmed homosexual around hollywood. his first wife was too, so that was a perfect marriage, right? neither one of them had to sleep with each other! gross. i know it sounds's the
entertainment news you can't get on the insider, you can only get it through a hollywood connection. kidding. if you go to google and type in "tom cruise and rob thomas in bed", you can pull up the story. i think i heard it from michael's lawyer, who's a big entertainment lawyer.

There you have it. That is the news of the day from my hollywood buddy.
later dudes

Heather said...

Ya know...that's not the first time I have heard that story about Tom and Rob playing Naked Twister. AND there has been long time speculation of Tom's orientation. Where there is smoke, fire usually follows, I say.

And Katie STILL gave up the, ahem, flower to that dork. Who knows who else he could have been with before? And Rob Thomas!! My heart breaks...

Now I really will go take a purge!!