1. If you have an alcohol problem, you will kill your liver.
2. No one looks good in yellow, so jaundice doens't flatter anyone.
3. If you need a new liver and are an alcoholic, you will not get a new liver if you don't stop drinking.
4. If you don't stop drinking, but think you can fool us into thinking you have, we have ways of finding out the truth. Science doesn't lie.
5. Dying from liver failure is ugly, bloody and not peaceful.
6. If you have the misfortune of living through the experience, you will wish you were dead because we pump you with so much lactulose (to get rid of the excess ammonia in your blood), you're going to think you are melting out of your butthole.
7. High ammonia levels = crazy psychotic patient. We will tie you to the bed.
8. When you are crazy psychotic patient, it is not cute to ask the nurse for some Jack Daniels.
9. Tell your family it is not the nurse's fault you are in the crappy shape you are in.
10. We really don't feel too sorry for you because you did this to yourself.