General Observations on Dating

Mom and I went out to eat the other night. From my vantage point, I observed a couple. And from what I overheard, it was a first date.

He was dressed in jeans, running shoes with no socks, and a button-down shirt. Sounds okay, right? Well, it would have been fine, and I probably wouldn't have noticed him in the first place if he had his shirt buttoned. Now, I'm not talking about all the way up to the top button, but for the love of God, all the way down to your belly button isn't acceptable either. But there it was, chest fuzz for all the world to feast upon. The only thing missing was the heavy gold chain. Oh, and to further cement his douche bag look, he left the cuffs on his shirt unbuttoned so they would flop around when he waved his hands in the air. You know, because nothing says hipster cool like a guy who dresses to impress in sloppy Guido wear. I bet money he spent at least an hour in front of the mirror before his big date perfecting his "I don't care about being trendy" look.

He kept glancing at me, probably because I have special Douche Bag Radar. And big boobs.

So his date, you know the type...looks like every other girl who goes to Power and Light and doesn't have an original thought bobbing around in their head. I don't know why Guido was trying so hard, it was painfully obvious she was going to put out at the end of the evening.

Even though he totally took her to Sweet Tomato on their first date.