Black Friday: Into Mount Doom

Well, by some wild hair I apparently had up my ass, going out early for the Black Friday sales seemed like a fine idea. I don't know why. I perused the Black Friday offerings online, and there wasn't any one thing that made me think, "I gotta have that!!!" Not. One. Thing.

But there I was, standing in my shower trying to wake up at 0400. We weren't shooting to arrive when the doors opened. I'm not a complete masochist. But to get somewhere and still maybe catch, err, something.

So, Mom staggers over and bleary-eyed, we get our caffeine fix before our first stop, Target. We both agreed that Walmart was ground zero, and should be avoided at all costs. Especially the one by our house. It draws the crazies on a regular day. I can't imagine what it would look like on Black Friday.

We get to Target around 0530, and park five miles away. All the 31-inch flat panel televisions are gone because they only stock five of them. I noticed that the cheap stuff was gone, but there was always a comparable item overstocked and ready for you to take if you paid just a little more. Whatever, Target, I'm onto your little game.

I manage to get a couple dvds, a digital picture frame, and something to decorate my mantle with.

Next stop, the mall. Parking sucks, but we take it up the ass anyway. We clean out Bath and Body works of various gels and lotions because women like that sort of thing.

After that, we agree to take a breakfast break at Dennys.

Right around the corner, is KMart. Parking still sucks, we're stupid and go inside anyway, where the place looks like a tornado swept through it. More people than we encountered anywhere. I find a pre-lit tree and some new pajamas. I love pajamas. These are black, silky ones that are pimpin' like Hugh Hefner, but they are women's pajamas. But if Hugh saw them, he'd say, "That's pimpin!" I have bawdy pajamas, too, but I like to switch things up. Most days, I prefer to be the hammer instead of the nail.

From there, we stop at Big Lots, and see nothing impressive. Moving along!

In the car, we discuss Walmart and decide to go, but the new one in Raytown. Sure, it may be smaller, but there appears to be less a risk of getting shanked in the toy isle. By the time we roll over, the parking lot doesn't appear dire, and we actually find a spot relatively close to the actual building. As we walk in, we overhear two cops talking about the shoplifter they just caught.

It is at Walmart, I find a similar tree to the one I just bought, but for $35 less. And a picture frame one inch bigger than the one I bought at Target, for the same price. Shit. I hate it when that happens.

Legs numb, walking zombies we have turned into. Mom and I buy some stuff, and right now I can't remember what I bought, but I'm sure I felt I needed it at the time. Anyway, we retreat to home where I immediately crawl into bed and pass out.

Black Friday, you are done and I hardly remember ye. I'm going back to bed.