Lavender Scented Dog Farts

A friend and coworker of mine revealed a short while ago she's one of those people who cut coupons. In this day and age, it's practical, but she's one of the uber-coupon cutters. The news has done stories about them. They pour over ads, cut coupons, scour the internets. Then, they strategize their shopping excursions with more detail than WWII. In the end, they buy half the store, go to the register, and the store ends up owing them $5.

She once tried explaining to me how she does it, but I fell asleep. It sounded complex and a involved. Almost like a part time job.

Needless to say, her house looks like Sam's Club, and she probably won't ever have to buy laundry soap and toothpaste ever again. And long after she passes on, hundreds of years from now, explorers will find the ruins of her house, and a huge cache of cleaning products in what used to be the basement.

I thought I would be friendly, and help her out by saving my pop bottle caps. Apparently, you turn those in for points which you use towards other crap. This is how she gets her magazine subscriptions to Crochet Digest.

The other morning, she popped over to my unit before she left work, and delivered me a bag full of stuff. A couple really cool razors (one for Mother), some toothpaste, some soap, some contact solution (I don't wear contacts), and a few other odds and ends. The big item being an Air Wick Freshmatic with motion sensor in a calming Lavender & Chamomile scent. I put it together this morning and stuck it in the office where it senses when I, or one of the dogs, walks into the room, and releases an aesthetically pleasing burst of smelly.

Oddly enough, it sounds exactly like a dog fart.

So now, whenever it goes off, I spin around from the computer, alarmed, looking for the culprit. Sam and Lucy look back, bewildered, as if to say, "It wasn't me!!!"

At least it doesn't come with the paint-peeling off the walls, burn your eyes smell of digested dog food, and whatever they happened to dig up in the back yard.