Updates on Toilet Lady

The boyfriend of Toilet Lady will be charged for letting her homestead on the toilet for an unnatural amount of time. He says maybe two years, smart folks estimate at least a month. Either way, that's too much time to be riding the porcelain bus.

The dude has to be mentally retarded. He just has to be.

She's still in the hospital, and according to reports, she may spend the rest of her life in a wheelchair due to nerve damage.

Meanwhile, coworkers and myself wait in fear of the word that she is going to be transferred to us. Mostly because other hospitals like to dump their crappiest patients onto my facility. Having a good rep for handling the toughest cases can be a double-edged sword.

On a side note, how funny (and ironic) is it that the sheriff's last name is Whipple??

More About Toilet Lady

Boyfriend says that girlfriend walked around the house at night, that she really wasn't on the toilet for two years straight. I'm going to call bullshit on this one because it's hard to walk if you have a toilet growing out of your ass.

I'm amazed at the national coverage this story is getting. How would you like to be the girlfriend?? Hell, I'd be embarrassed to live in the same town. I can only imagine vacations being rained on because someone, in idle conversation, asked you where you were from.

Friendly Person: Is the weather bad where you are from?
Ness City Resident: Oh yes...very cold. I'm glad to be somewhere warmer.
FP: Where are you from?
NCP: Kansas
FP: Kansas! Really? What part? The same area Dorothy lived?
NCP: (chuckle)A little town called Ness City.
FP: Ness City....hmmm. Hey!! Isn't that where that lady sat on a toilet for two years??
NCP: Ummm...yeah.
FP: Wow!! Did you know her???
NCP: Uhhh (lies because everyone knows everyone else in small towns) Not really. I think I'm going to go back to my hotel room now.

The news is showing pictures of the house where said toilet lady lived. It was a trailer. Brother saw it on this evening's news and began to cheer.

"That makes the story 1000 times better!"

Taking the Browns to the Superbowl and Other Hump Day Blather

So today I had a lunch date of sorts. We went to City Market and ate at Cascone's...Grill. When he mentioned Cascone's, I was thinking of Italian restaurant. This place...somewhat Italian, but with a mish-mash of other stuff. I'll be posting a review of the restaurant on Yelp.

After lunch, we walked around City Market, he buying produce and me buying some fresh pita bread. I mentioned that I wanted to stop by Baby Cakes to buy some cupcakes to take home for the fam, but I wasn't really sure where it was, other than it was at City Market.

So, we drove around for a while, finally finding it and realized that I had driven right past it at one point. Inside smelled heavenly.

While we were in there, and I was wrestling over which cupcakes to buy, some fruity guy came walking in to ask us if we were from Wichita, and did we see that story on the news about the lady who was taken to the hospital? Yeah, I read that story this morning. I knew all about it. But he goes on to regale the others with this tale. Bakery lady listens with abject horror. My date busts out laughing. I have no reaction. Stupid people seldom surprise me anymore.

Date apologizes for laughing (he doesn't care for stupid people either), and Bakery Lady says that it's okay. She was more curious about my reaction. I shrug.

"I'm a nurse. I once saw someone who had to be extracted from their car with the Jaws of Life because they were too fat to get out. Nothing shocks me anymore."

However, I do have a couple concerns with the story as I have read it on the news...

Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said a man called his office last month to
report that something was wrong with his girlfriend.

He suddenly calls, two years after her sitting on the toilet, claiming something is wrong?? What could it have been??? Oh, maybe, that she was permanently attached to the toilet? Did he just notice???? He had been taking her food and water while she was homesteading on said porcelain throne. Sadly, there are no pictures available.

If this had happened in Russia, more than one family would have been without a toilet. This might have started a riot, especially with all the borscht they eat.

Even more disturbing is that she is only two years older than me, and she has a boyfriend. A boyfriend who sticks by her for two years while she is trying to meld into one with her toilet seat (and apparently succeeded). She has a boyfriend, and I'm still going through a serious man-drought.

I am depressed. I think I will go eat a cupcake and sit on the toilet. Perhaps then, my prince will then come.