She's Baacckkk!!!!

Special Friend went home to see her family, and left Lucy in my care. Sam has his own Special Friend back. Thankfully, he will be occupied for the weekend.

Adventures in Homebuying: One Year Later

One year ago today, I closed on my house. A monumental occasion to be certain.

Sometimes, I sit in my living room, look around, and can't believe it's mine.

Mine! Mine! Mine!

Thursday Blather

I worked last night as a result of getting Sunday night off. At the beginning, it seemed everything went well.

Then, crap started to fall apart about 6:30am, and by fall apart, I mean I started to have technical difficulties.

I'm just going to chill out at home tonight. Poke through my many boxes of Christmas decorations. Try to figure out if I want a real tree or a fake tree.

Maybe the weekend will be better.

I'm so glad this NaBloPoMo thing is almost over. It has sucked the joy out of blogging. Nothing ever becomes fun and enjoyable when you have to do it. I'll be happy to go back to blogging when I feel like it. Then, I can stop posting boring shit like this very post here.

The Most Craptastic Thing This Week

I was home, recovering from Sunday's festivities, flipping through some channels, when I stumbled upon this little gem of a show on CMT. It's called Mobile Home Disaster and is essentially the equivalent of Extreme Makeover for the trailer park crowd. Because of my unhealthy obsession with trailer parks, my eyes just glazed over and I watched.

The family featured a mom, a dad, and their six children...all living in the crappiest trailer I've seen. Well, maybe not the crappiest, but certainly in the top five...top ten. It was really crappy. The three sons slept on the couch, the three girls slept in their own little room on beds that didn't have sheets. Instead of curtains, they had blankets and sheets up. The place was as stereotypical as one could get as far as mobile homes go....so was the family, whom I am confident could tell you the glories of government cheese.

So, Bill Engvall and his team go in and pretty much rebuild this trailer and make it southern fried fabulous. The boys get their own room, the girls get their own room (with sheets on the bed!). The parents get their room redone with curtains (it looks like a hotel room). The end result doesn't look bad, and it's a HUGE improvement from their living conditions before.

The family returns to the trailer park for the big reveal. The entire trailer park turns out and you'd be hard pressed to spot a woman wearing a bra in that group. Mother (in her bleach-blond, black-rooted goodness) blathers about how she's a new person with this new house. She's a new Mom now!!

What?!? They just redid your house, they didn't give you a personality makeover. You're still a dumbass on welfare.

With all the new things that came with the newly remodeled trailer (flat panel plasma television, computer, gas bbq grill, all stainless appliances in the kitchen, furniture, etc), the thing that the parents are most excited about...they have their own soda dispenser in the shed.

I've only seen the one show. I don't know if they have any others, but I checked the website. If the show wasn't entertaining enough, you can peruse the message boards. Everyones got a sad story to tell, and everyone wants to know how they can get their trailers made over as well. It's enough to make me salivate over the prospect of new trailer park shows on the horizon. It's like being able to observe life in the park, without the fear of being caught.

It's awesome!!!

I Got It Like That

Lets101 Quizzes - Blog Quizzes

Game Day

So, I went to the Chiefs-Raiders game on Sunday. After working all night. Without sleep. Did I mention that I hadn't had any sleep??

Brother and Special Friend, Mom and Mr. Recommendation, and myself plus a girlfriend from work (Jen) who is fun to hang around. Redneck Brother was supposed to go as well, but in true form, he flaked out at the last minute. His wife probably didn't want to get out of bed that early. Redneck Brother used to be a Man's Man. Now, he's the biggest Pussy-Whipped Candy Ass I've ever seen. It's enough to fill it's own post.

Anyway, everyone rides in Mr. Recommendation's minivan to the stadium, where we park far, far way and walk to our tailgating party. Free drinks, free food, and a lady selling purses was also passing around jello shots.

A few hours and three trips to the porta-johns later, we finally went into the stadium. We found our seats: nine rows from the field next to the end zone, and found some older guy camping out in our chairs. After told him he was sitting in our seats, he just stood there and stared at us. What? Like we're going to go find different seats? He finally realized we weren't going anywhere and he left. Some douche bags are like that. They pay for the cheap seats, then hone in on better seats that might not be occupied. Only this guy didn't care if they were occupied.

The game commences and I fight to stay awake. That's how exciting the game was. I didn't see anything amazing happen on the field, so I just sat there, waiting for the next time I had to go use the toilet.

Lucky us, the Chiefs Preening Squad has set up shop right in front of us. I thought they might be better than last year. I thought wrong. It's not just me, either. At one point, Mom leaned over to me and said, "The Chiefs Cheerleaders don't have much rhythm." Agreed. Out of sync, out of lines. I concluded that our cheerleader squad's only real function is to pose for swimsuit calenders. Oh joy, Creepy Seat Grabber guy returns and parks in the seat in front of us after some other guy took his little boy to the bathroom. Mom told him they would be returning, but he ignored her. Sure enough, Dad and Son come back. Dad waves creepy guy off with a large hand attached to a muscular arm.

Halftime! They start laying tracks and when kids on bicycles appear, it's apparent they are going to do tricks. I remember a time when the Chiefs used to invite high school marching bands to do halftime at Arrowhead. What happened to those days??

The second half goes with as much excitement as the first. I'm still trying to stay awake, and I have used the bathroom twice since the game started. No lines the first time, the second time, there was a line, in addition to a female employee of the stadium that was directing women to empty stalls. Much like those guys at the airport direct the planes to the terminals. It leads me to wonder: How do you land a job directing bathroom traffic? What are the qualifications for such a job? What kind of training do you get?

Jen and I decide we want something to drink. Some people were drinking fruity looking beverages out of football shaped glasses. It reminded me of fruit punch, and I wanted one. Jen and I go to the vending areas and I see that the fruity drink is a Chiefs Hurricane, and is $8.50. My miserly sense overcomes my thirst for fruit punch (which I'm sure is all it tasted like). Jen buys an iced soda and puts her youngest child up for collateral. I stand in the hot chocolate line, but decide I want a funnel cake instead. And some cotton candy for later after I go home and read a book. The young girl working the stand tells me my total is $10.25. I give her a $20. She grabs a fistful of money out of her cash box then pauses. She looks at me, looks at Jen, looks at the money.

"Did you give me a $20?" she asked. I nodded. She stares at me for a minute, then her money. I cast a look to Jen, who is trying not to laugh.

My change: $14.75. She must have been a product of the Kansas City Missouri School District.

We spot KC Wolfe and Jen wants a picture with him. So, we amble up, along with everyone else. Jen is suddenly designated picture taker of the stadium as people thrust their digital cameras in her hands. When it's her turn, KC Wolfe takes off. Jen, not to be deterred, runs after him and almost jumps him. I catch up and Jen finally gets her picture taken with the mascot. Success!!

We return to our seats to find Mom fuming. Creepy Seat Grabber had returned shortly after Jen and I left and proceeded to homestead in our seats. Mom told him to go away because those seats were taken and we would be returning. He didn't believe her, and he just sat there, saying he would wait and see if we came back. Asshole. Mom tells Mr. Recommendation to go find security, and Creepy Seat Grabber splits. Later, we all decided he definitely put off the Chester the Molester vibe, and perhaps that was why we found him so creepy.

The game ends, and the redneck fans are pissed. While we were waiting to leave, some blowhard is yelling insults to Raiders fans, calling one a "hook-nosed bitch". Classy! He was flipping off anyone in Raiders garb, including children. I'm surprised he didn't get his ass whipped. He would have deserved it. Raiders fans had a right to gloat. Had the Chiefs won, you know that same asshole would have been rubbing it in to them.

We make it back to the van, but Mr. Recommendation is starting to look yellow with all the beer he has consumed, and therefore, unfit to drive. Mom is going to drive us back to my house, but she is not used to a vehicle with so many buttons and gadgets. She goes to put the van in gear, and turns on the windshield wipers. Mr. Recommendation is busy being the Obnoxious Funny Drunk Guy...only he's not really all that funny. This embarrasses Mom because he's yelling his "jokes" to other people. Brother is in the backseat with Special Friend being much funnier. Jen is sitting beside me laughing her ass off at the whole situation. I'm sitting there thinking we are all going to die before we get home because Brother points out that most accidents occur within 1-2 miles of your own house.

Finally, we make it home. Mom and Mr. Recommendation leave, Jen a short while later. Brother and Special Friend decide to go take a nap, and I think that's a fine idea. I'd been awake for 26 hours straight. Sleep was in order.

Overall, I found the most enjoyable part of the game to be the tailgating. It's really interesting to see the extent some people go to for their tailgating experience. I told Mom that next year, I would be willing to do some tailgating, even without the tickets to actually see the game.

Hell, if all else, we could tailgate, pack up our crap, then go home and watch the game in our pajamas. Anyone else game?

Something Fun

Which MASH Character are you?

You are Margaret 'Hot Lips' Houlihan!
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Tired!!

I had to get up early this morning to take Mom to a doctor's appointment. See what a good daughter I am!! After getting there, we waited for almost an hour in the waiting room before she was called. I was pissed...and it wasn't even my appointment! That's a big pet peeve of mine. Tell me I need to be somewhere at a precise time, and then make me wait. If you say my appointment is at nine, I expect to be seen at nine...not ten-thirty. Grrr.

Afterwards, Mom and I had lunch at Corner Cafe where I bought a bag of their delicious homemade croutons I can have in tomato soup later tonight. Lunch finished, I dropped her off at home before stopping by my storage shed and picking up more boxes to take to the house. Most of the boxes this time had Christmas decorations.

Right now, I'm going to take a nap. Then, I am going to get up, make neat and tidy around the house, then assess my Christmas decorations and see what I want to drag out. Everything else will go in the attic.

Confuzzled

The Border Wars is over. Thank God. Getting to work last night was a challenge as I-70 was clogged more than Mangino's arteries.

But speaking of Mangina...I keep hearing these references to cupcakes. Because it is mentioned so often, I figure there has to be a story behind it. No one I work with could figure it out either.

So...what's the story with the cupcakes???

I Don't Mean to Gloat...

But...

My Heart Will Go On and On

For the love of God and all things holy!!

Didn't people learn anything from Titanic??

Cruise ships + icebergs = bad vacation

Next time, book in the Caribbean. The only ice you'll find there is in your drink. Just the way nature intended.

Black Friday

I didn't feel like a glutton for punishment, so I opted out of Black Friday shopping this year. Having to deal with the mass of overzealous shoppers is not worth saving $2 on a pair of socks.

Instead, I just stayed in my nice, toasty house. In my nice, toasty bed.

Around the Dinner Table

First off, I have to give hats off to X-Man for selling me his dining room table. Without such a gesture, this day might not have been possible.

Mom arrived first this morning, and we immediately set to cooking. I had gotten up around 5am to put the turkey in. However, my oven has the power of a small nuclear reactor and the turkey was done in 3 hours. It just had to chill out in the over on warm until dinner time...which was 1pm.

So, there was the turkey stuffed with stuffing. We made the obligatory green been casserole, candied yams, mashed potatoes and gravy, buttered corn, deviled eggs, rolls, fruited jello (we are Mormons, after all), and various pies.

Brother invites his Special Friend for dinner. There's also me, Mom, Mr. Recommendation, and his little girl who spent the better part of the afternoon tormenting the cat.

If there is one universal truth in my family, every word, no matter how innocent, can be construed to be something naughty. Dinner begins and Brother makes his little remarks, Mom joins in...all innocent words with hidden meaning. Then, Special Friend blurts out that Brother needs to start drinking more pineapple juice.

I went deaf shortly after that.

Aside from the TMI, dinner went well. I actually managed to stay awake long enough to package all the leftovers (lots of turkey!), load the dishwasher, and have the table and island cleaned off. Then, I fell into bed for a 3-hour nap.

For my first Thanksgiving dinner...big success!!

I had considered going to the Plaza Lighting Ceremony, but then I thought about how I've never been to the Plaza Lighting Ceremony. So why break with tradition? The excess crowds would only piss me off.

Brother, on the other hand, has now disappeared, probably over to Special Friend's house for a sleepover.



I hope he remembered to stop by the store and pick up some pineapple juice.

Yay for Turkey

It's 8:30am. I've been awake off and on during the night. The entire house smells of the baking turkey...and fish sticks (Brother's idea of breakfast when he got home this morning from his booty call). A late night, last-minute trip to Walmart revealed a store looking like a dead carcass, picked over by buzzards. Not a can of cherry pie filling in sight.

Mom and Mr. Recommendation are en route.

Brother is currently in the shower, sucking all the hot water out of the 40 gallon tank.

Sam is in the back yard, barking at leaves.

I need to get dressed and go make pie.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

More Crap

Taco Night was a big hit. I, on the other hand, fell asleep on the couch and was unable to stop by the store to pick up a brownie platter. Not even time to stop by Starbucks.

Overall, the night went well. I got slapped with the charge nurse hat again. Fortunately, there was a good team of nurses working, and I didn't have to worry about gross negligence. Unfortunately, patients will do their own little thing, and one decided to code before the end of the shift.

I hate it when things like that happen around the holidays. God should have a "no expiration rule" starting from November 1st to January 15th.

Crap...

It's 3pm.

I just woke up.

I have to start getting ready for work early because I remembered that today is Taco Night.

I haven't prepared jack.

Looks like a stop to HyVee on my way to work is in order. Maybe I will just buy a big, fat brownie platter.

Monday's Musings

Well, I got through the first weekend of computerized charting with no permanent wounds. It was sort of disappointing because I felt like that was all I was doing. Instead of seeing my patients, I was charting. Just when I thought I was done, I discovered I had ten other things I missed.

Our unit has a bunch of computers on wheels, which we call cows (Computers On Wheels). In an effort to bring some light in a rather painful experience, some of us nurses named some of them. It not only made for smiles, but also enabled us to tell who's computer was who's for the shift. We only got three named: Mac and Cheese, Lil Devil, and Rastus.

The next night, we reported for work and the fun little name stickers we made were gone. We queried as to why.

Day Nurse: We felt it was not very professional looking.
Me: I heard no such complaints.
DN: One was even offensive.
Me: Which one??
DN: Rast Ass.
Me: You mean Rastus? Rast-Us? Can you not read??
DN: Well, we're going to give them numbers instead of names, and we're going to use the little label maker.
Me: Prude.

And they wonder why morale sucks? Because some people suck all the joy right out of our jobs, and relish in doing so. These people are Bossholes in training.

Not that just the night nurses were mumbling about the killjoys of the unit, but I heard day nurses mumbling as well. So, it's not a shift thing.

I've really got to get my transfer papers in order.

****************************

Mom just left the house. She came over and we went on a preemptive shopping strike. Everyone waits until Wednesday to buy their Thanksgiving meal crap. We thought we'd be clever and go tonight. Our first stop: Costco, where their turkeys were roughly the size of small chickens.

After that, we went to the dreaded Land of Sam where thousands of people had the same idea. Fortunately, the turkeys were bigger. Unfortunately, we had to wait in the checkout line forever...and we still didn't get everything we needed.

This will mark the first time I have hosted the Thanksgiving feast. Mom is going to help with food preparations. It should be good. I'll try to take lots of pictures.

Now, I must do some cleaning, staying up as late as possible. I'm working extra tomorrow. Christmas is approaching, and I haven't even thought about buying gifts yet.

**************************

My old hometown has a myspace page. Actually, to call it my hometown is a bit of a stretch because I only lived there for two years then got the hell out after I graduated high school. Population under 800, no stoplights, one-car police department, and the only thriving things about this place was the gas station/grocery store, and the local pub that I waited tables at during my junior year. Incidentally, farmers are the worst tippers. Ever.

So, I get this email from the person who created this hometown myspace tribute. The county rag is doing a blurb in their paper about the myspace page. Apparently, a slow news week. At any rate, the letter beseeches us to post a comment about the town, a memory, something that the county paper could possibly include in this news story.

I sat back and thought about what sort of comment I could write, something worthy of mentioning in paper (probably next to the school lunch menu for the week). I couldn't come up with jack. Truth be told, I really hold no love for that place. Too many bad memories crammed into two years. And the town was full of really strange people. Yeah, it can boast that the guy who was the lead singer of Paul Revere and the Raiders was from there, but there was also a guy who would walk through town wearing combat boots and a loincloth. I don't think I could put that as a comment, though.

Maybe I could write: "Whenever I think of this place, I get nauseated and my ass twitches." I'm sure they wouldn't print it, but at least it would be an honest answer.

Captain Tripps

People are dropping like flies on my unit. It starts with a voice that goes raspy, sore throat, and then it knocks you on your ass. Bosshole is also afflicted. I merrily reminded him that I'd been sick for three weeks, and I'm still trying to kick the bug.

Good luck with that.

Computer Woes

Our place of employment just implemented a house wide computer charting system that has aged everyone ten years in the matter of five days, and I'm fairly certain that someone has kicked their dog as a result. There were tears, nuclear meltdowns, and nurses vowing to enroll for classes that will put them in the exciting field of fast food preparation.

I nearly bit the head off one of the Happy Helpertons who was trying to help me figure out why I couldn't do the simple task of printing labels. When you see a sick nurse trying to manage a new computer system that has more bells and whistles than a spaceship, it's not a good idea to be perky, happy, and cheerful. That is almost begging to get your ass kicked. Or at least coughed on.

Technology sucks.

Friday Blogthing

I totally borrowed this from Emaw.

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

I also read Einie was good in the sack...I'm just sayin'.