Brother and Special Friend, Mom and Mr. Recommendation, and myself plus a girlfriend from work (Jen) who is fun to hang around. Redneck Brother was supposed to go as well, but in true form, he flaked out at the last minute. His wife probably didn't want to get out of bed that early. Redneck Brother used to be a Man's Man. Now, he's the biggest Pussy-Whipped Candy Ass I've ever seen. It's enough to fill it's own post.
Anyway, everyone rides in Mr. Recommendation's minivan to the stadium, where we park far, far way and walk to our tailgating party. Free drinks, free food, and a lady selling purses was also passing around jello shots.
A few hours and three trips to the porta-johns later, we finally went into the stadium. We found our seats: nine rows from the field next to the end zone, and found some older guy camping out in our chairs. After told him he was sitting in our seats, he just stood there and stared at us. What? Like we're going to go find different seats? He finally realized we weren't going anywhere and he left. Some douche bags are like that. They pay for the cheap seats, then hone in on better seats that might not be occupied. Only this guy didn't care if they were occupied.
The game commences and I fight to stay awake. That's how exciting the game was. I didn't see anything amazing happen on the field, so I just sat there, waiting for the next time I had to go use the toilet.
Lucky us, the Chiefs Preening Squad has set up shop right in front of us. I thought they might be better than last year. I thought wrong. It's not just me, either. At one point, Mom leaned over to me and said, "The Chiefs Cheerleaders don't have much rhythm." Agreed. Out of sync, out of lines. I concluded that our cheerleader squad's only real function is to pose for swimsuit calenders. Oh joy, Creepy Seat Grabber guy returns and parks in the seat in front of us after some other guy took his little boy to the bathroom. Mom told him they would be returning, but he ignored her. Sure enough, Dad and Son come back. Dad waves creepy guy off with a large hand attached to a muscular arm.
Halftime! They start laying tracks and when kids on bicycles appear, it's apparent they are going to do tricks. I remember a time when the Chiefs used to invite high school marching bands to do halftime at Arrowhead. What happened to those days??
The second half goes with as much excitement as the first. I'm still trying to stay awake, and I have used the bathroom twice since the game started. No lines the first time, the second time, there was a line, in addition to a female employee of the stadium that was directing women to empty stalls. Much like those guys at the airport direct the planes to the terminals. It leads me to wonder: How do you land a job directing bathroom traffic? What are the qualifications for such a job? What kind of training do you get?
Jen and I decide we want something to drink. Some people were drinking fruity looking beverages out of football shaped glasses. It reminded me of fruit punch, and I wanted one. Jen and I go to the vending areas and I see that the fruity drink is a Chiefs Hurricane, and is $8.50. My miserly sense overcomes my thirst for fruit punch (which I'm sure is all it tasted like). Jen buys an iced soda and puts her youngest child up for collateral. I stand in the hot chocolate line, but decide I want a funnel cake instead. And some cotton candy for later after I go home and read a book. The young girl working the stand tells me my total is $10.25. I give her a $20. She grabs a fistful of money out of her cash box then pauses. She looks at me, looks at Jen, looks at the money.
"Did you give me a $20?" she asked. I nodded. She stares at me for a minute, then her money. I cast a look to Jen, who is trying not to laugh.