Thursday, March 05, 2009

Stupid is as Stupid Does

You know, I never understood why some women would be complacent in a relationship where her partner abused her on a regular basis. In my nursing school psych class, we even spent a fair amount of lecture time going over this very thing. On paper, the theories made sense. In reality, I still can't wrap my mind around it. There is no excuse in the world that would remotely justify standing by some guy who routinely put your life in danger.

I can stand up for you if this was a first time incident and you dump the guy, never to speak to him again, despite the pleas and promises. You go back to him, you're on your own. Don't come crying to me the next time he breaks your nose, or arm, or ribs, or causes a brain bleed.

So, imagine my disgust upon hearing that Rhianna took Chris Brown back. Just when I thought my opinion of a woman couldn't go any lower, I read this.

According to a detective’s affidavit, Brown and Rihanna got into a fight after the Umbrella” singer checked her boyfriend’s cell phone and found a three-page
text message from another woman.

Brown pulled his car over and tried to push Rihanna out, but she was still wearing her seatbelt, Los Angeles police Detective De Shon Andrews wrote. He said Brown pushed Rihanna’s head against the window, punched her with his right hand, and then continued driving while hitting her, the affidavit states. He also bit his girlfriend on the ear, the affidavit states. At one point, Brown reportedly put her in a headlock and she nearly lost consciousness, the report says.

The affidavit was filed as part of a search warrant request for the phone records of Brown, Rihanna and her assistant. While beating Rihanna, Brown allegedly told her "I'm going to beat the s--- out of you when we get home, you wait and see." Brown allegedly threatened to kill Rihanna after she either left or pretended to leave a phone message with her assistant, telling her to have the police waiting at her house. He reportedly then said, "You just did the stupidest thing ever. I'm
going to kill you."

Andrews described Brown’s blows as causing Rihanna’s mouth to fill with blood. He also writes that Brown tried to choke Rihanna after she took the keys to his car away.

Really? Even after all this, she not only takes him back, but rumors swirl that she married the guy because she thinks that with him, she will have the Fairy Tale. What does this tell abused women everywhere? That it's okay for a guy to beat you? That he didn't really mean it and that he loves you? The darker the bruise, the deeper the love??

(I'm not talking about women who try to beat on a guy, then act all righteous when he pops her one in return. No, I'm talking about the guys who hit women for power and control issues. The guys who are too big a candyass to try to hit another guy, but rather take their aggressions out on the one who does his laundry. Raises his children. Maintains his home.)

It makes me ill. I don't listen to the musical offerings of either artist, but I'm sure as hell not going to start now. What kills me even more is how the Hollywood community is just rolling over and pretending it never happened.

So, dumb Umbrella singer, the next time your True Love actually succeeds in putting your head through a window, don't look to me for sympathy.

You have made your bed. Good luck sleeping in it.


bobbie said...


JustCara said...

Like an alcoholic, you can't make someone leave an abusive relationship. She will leave when she wants to, or when he leaves (more often than not). Or somebody dies.

I was in an abusive relationship. It's about having such a low opinion of yourself that you don't think anyone else will love you except him. He hits, but then he's so warm and wonderful and sorry afterward that it seems cruel to leave. Head games, I tell ya - head games.

Nuke said...

My aunt was in one abusive relationship after another, physically and/or mentally abusive.

She had her self respect stolen, self image trampled and heart & soul held captive. She has been threatened (from beatings to being fed to dogs), her nose and arm broken, and finally beaten and left for dead in a snow drift.

She is finally out of the cycle. In her early 60s she is an alcoholic and physically has the body of somebody in their 80s. She has to have people help her pay her bills and do her shopping. She is a shut in, and the only people that visit her are the relatives in her town (my parents).

I would agree that stupidity gets no compassion. But it's hard NOT to feel sorry for somebody that has been badly used. The difference between the 2 cases is that you would think that a star would have enough else going for her that she could move on. That she can't says to me she is already broken.

I Travel for JOOLS said...

A young friend of mine was recently murdered by her ex-boyfriend. He ran her off the road and shot her 3 times. She had finally left him last summer after years of an abusive relationship. She didn't know he was stalking her. She thought she had finally broken free of him.

She didn't tell her friends what he was really like. Some suspected. Neighbors heard violent arguments. She was a professional woman, educated, beautiful. We lost her at age 34.

He ran like a dog. The cops caught up with him a couple of days later. He shot and killed himself.