Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Missed Opportunities

Damn...it would appear I totally missed out this past weekend. Instead of sleeping in, playing WoW, hanging with the fam, I could have been scouring the internets for my soul mate.

E-Harmony had a promotional deal for the Labor Day weekend where you could communicate for free for the entire weekend. Then, you will meet your soul mate and bowling partner (according to the commercials, anyway).

I joined eHarmony once. I went to nursing school with a girl who had met her husband through that site, and he was a nice guy. I had been out of my serious relationship for a while, and I thought why the hell not?

How it works, is that you spend an ungodly amount of time answering a shitload of questions about you, your ideals, core values, mission statements, and all those snappy catch words that are usually reserved for work resumes. But this was your dating resume, which is much more important that any career because you are applying to be a soul mate. So, after answering a gajillion questions, the eHarmony gnomes process your answers and spits out a list of people they feel you match up with.

Now, I don't consider myself a social pariah, but apparently, eHarmony thought so. Okay, so maybe the matches didn't meet my own personal expectations, and some might argue that is why I fail at the dating scene...my standards are set way too high. eHarmony was apparently telling me to lower mine, because if I did, my dating options were limitless as long as I didn't consider good dental hygiene a priority as well as a college degree.

eHarmony, knowing that I was a nurse, apparently thought my singleness would be cured by putting me with guys who apparently needed a nurse. I had to check to make sure I didn't accidentally hit the wrong button and navigated to a private duty nurse website. Some guys have a secret desire to be with a woman who knows how to work a pole. My matches had a blatant need for a woman who could work an IV pole.

My membership with eHarmony was short-lived. I never did meet anyone from that site. The final straw was the guy who wanted to meet in person, but said I had to drive because his disability wouldn't allow for it. However, his mom would be more than willing to drop him off somewhere. I work as nurse, I don't particularly care to be one when I come home as well. Unless it calls for me to wear these...
Fuck you, eHarmony.

12 comments:

Melinda said...

I joined eHarmony not long after my divorce, and also ended up chatting with a guy who had a disability which didn't allow him to drive cars. Maybe it was the same guy?! I met two nice guys on there, though one was exactly like my ex husband and the other was a little odd. Nice, but not exactly dating material. Live and learn.

Sophia said...

I had a friend sign up with eharmony. First question was marital status. He was separated, divorce petition on file, no judgment yet. He takes 40 minutes to answer all the questions. Then the site tells him he's not eligible for the service until his divorce is finalized. This was several years ago. Hopefully they've changed it and provide that info as soon as you answer the FIRST question as "separated."

kate said...

I never joined eHarmony, but a few of my friends and I joined Match.com at the same time several years ago...even though I clearly marked that I didn't want to date divorced 50-year-old guys with kids, it seemed that the only messages that I got were from recently divorced 50-year-old guys with kids my age. No, thanks. I only lasted, like, a month.

Candice said...

Oh my!

You know, there are fleeting moments when I miss my single days.

Now?

Not so much.

Faith said...

I like to tell Leo about my eHarmony expedition I attempted once, out of sheer boredom with the losers I continually met through Yahoo personals and Match.

It took me a week to finally see one of the guys they matched me up with, and bless his heart, I'm sure he was attractive when he was my age, but seeing as I was looking to meet someone under 40, and he was clearly well over 40, I begged my apologies, and wrote to the website to get my money back.

Dating really, really shouldn't be so painfully slow, hard, and such a PITA. (Odd fact: the creator of eHarmony graduated from my alma mater, Pepperdine. For some reason, I groaned out loud when I heard that fact the first time.)

CityBluz said...

I've joined every personals site over the years, and thought eHarmony would be a blessed relief. Wow, was I fooled! They couldn't come up with one single match for me - maybe because I listed "religious preference" as very important, as I'm an atheist and wanted to date someone who also had a brain and used it.

Nothing. (heavy sigh)

Bill the Painter said...

I've had the best luck with Match.com Still, nothing seemed to work out.

Free sites are generally pretty lame.

Like anything else in life: Buyer Beware!

Faith said...

Wow, CityBluz...I can see how easy it would be to go out with someone like you, too. You must be a real treat. Shocking that you didn't get matched up with anyone that was looking to date an asshole! It can be such fun to date an asshole, too. ::heavy sigh::

His Girl said...

I joined EHarmony once, too. I don't know what question that site misinterpreted into matching me with people who "love the outdoors", because every single guy they matched me with was atheletic and liked things like hiking. I am the opposite of atheletic (so much so that I think I am even spelling it wrong)and I HATE hiking. (and I would never go outdoors if I didn't have to to get to my car to go to another indoor place...)

Nuke said...

Never did E-harmony or Match. I did however try almost every free site out there. of all of those profiles scanned thru, I went on dates with 2 women who were both nice but not lifemates. Mostly tho I had to wade thru scams and people who were nowhere close to y match. Lots of time spent for such little return.

Dig the shoes tho!

Eolaí gan Fhéile said...

Dang. I failed my college degree.

GB, RN said...

I'd make an exception for Eolai, but he lives a million miles away.
:o)