Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Random Things That Make My Head Asplode

Go Daddy Girls. If I see another one of those lame Go-Daddy commercials, I'm going to lob my 25lb Huskers rock at the television. You know those commercials, usually featuring Danica Patrick and someone from the pool of Dumbest Bimbos on the Planet. Just what does web hosting have anything to do with scantily-clad women writhing everywhere sounding like they were all dropped on their heads at birth? Unless GoDaddy is for hosting porn sites. Birthers. If you rounded up the dumbest people in the country, I'd be willing to bet that over 90% of them are card-carrying idiots of the Birther movement. Their sole purpose, the remove that Muslin, Nazi, Kenyon-born guy from office. But don't make any reference to his color, because that's racist, and Birthers aren't racists (even though you would be hard pressed to find a minority in this group). Given proof of Obama's citizenship, they refute it because it doesn't tell them what they want to hear. You can give them mountains of proof all wrapped up in the U.S. Constitution, and their mob mentality will simply not allow them to concede that every single one of them apparently skipped American Civics class in high school. And to top of this train wreck of a sundae, is the woman who apparently leads the movement....Orly Taitz. She's a Jewish lady who lives in California who is a dentist, a real estate agent, and has a GED in law for the state of California only, and the driving force of the Birther movement. I only remark of her Jewish roots because most of the people she is whipping into a mass hysteria are of the white redneck demographic. She wasn't even born in this country. Neither of her parents are American. Did I mention that she leads a movement of people who are rabid about getting a black man out of office by claiming he's not American??

Note the irony. An internet search will reveal the mountains of batshit crazy this women is. I'll leave it to you for when there is nothing good on television. It would almost be funny, until you consider that her attitude promotes the kind of mentality that gets people killed.Jon and Kate. He's a self-centered douche bag, she's a soul-sucking bitch. Together, they make me want drive a go-cart headfirst into a semi truck. No discernible talent (unless you count having a clown-car for a vagina a talent), and yet they are celebrities. Why? WHY?? One can only hope they die in nuclear fire, and their children can be taken care of by loving people who aren't interested in whoring them out for a paycheck. And while that nuclear fire is burning hot, toss in the entire Kardashian clan, everyone who is on a reality show on MTV and VH1. And ABC. And Fox. Oh hell, just toss them all in. But save Top Chef.

Oh, and Kate, I had that same fucking hair style TEN YEARS AGO! Only I wore it better.

Glenn Beck. If you looked up douche bag in Webster's Dictionary, I'm fairly confident you would find this asshat's picture instead of a printed definition. Actually, douche bag is being too nice. They haven't created a word yet that totally encompasses what a complete tool this guy is. Until then, I will have to settle for every other derogatory adjective I can think of.

A friend of mine, the one who wanted me to have NSA sex with him in exchange for a Q'Doba burrito because he happened to have a coupon, is a hard-line conservative. Probably the only person I know who listens to Rush and Mike and enjoys it. He readily admits he likes Glenn Beck because he's an entertainer. No, Bill Cosby is an entertainer. Garth Brooks is an entertainer. This guy is an asshole. The self proclaimed voice of moral clarity and reason, he once called up a colleague's wife and made jokes about the miscarriage she had a few days prior. Yup, quality entertainment! But this guy has thousands of devout fans, even crazier than he is. Beck is also the kind of guy that promotes hysterical, ignorant frenzy amongst the redneck crowd that gets people killed.

Maybe Glenn Beck and Orly Taitz ought to take their legions of batshit crazy followers and relocate to a small island in the Pacific. With lots of grape Kool-aid.

And they can take Jon, Kate, and those Go-Daddy Girls with them.


Dan said...

Brilliant work. Not just because I agree with every one of your rants, but also because you phrase it all so well.

The DLC said...

Godaddy is pretty much the cheapest hosting around, but I changed companies because of those damn commercials. They are dumber than beer commercials. You can't even log into your account without seeing some airbrushed bimbo in a tight t-shirt leering at you.

Bill the Painter said...

The GoDaddy ads seem to work, people KNOW who you are talking about...they just may not know what they do!

Birthers...really need to get a life and get over it. I'm not a fan of B. HO, but they are making us look like whackos!!!

Jon & Kate: Sick of them! I'd take her for a quick ride around the block, but that's about it. Look up Douchebag in the dictionary and you'll see his picture.

Glenn Beck..I think he's misunderstood, really. He may not be perfect and he's not afraid to admit it. Some of his stuff comes of like he's completely lost it! On the other hand, most is backed up by research. I could seriously do without the crying!

Loved the rant! Keep 'em coming!

IDigSmartLadies said...

Is it still NSA if I have to provide a quality dinner out, such as Qdoba? At that point, isn't it simply quid pro quo?

A Year on the Grill said...

1st time visit to your site... very funny and entertaining writing style.

Very well done, will be back

John Pavlakis said...

"GED in Law"? LOL WUT