Karma is a Wonderful Thing

It's a official. I am going to have a niece. My first niece ever. My brother and his wife had their sonogram yesterday, and it was revealed that they are going to have a little girl sometime in March. With any luck, maybe around my birthday. They have already named her...with everyone else's middle name.

At any rate, I always thought it would be great if my brother had a girl. Remembering what a little turd he was when he was in his younger, wild oat-sowing days, he would have a daughter of his own...constantly under the black cloud of knowing that somewhere out there, boys just like him will be laying in wait. He's going to go prematurely gray just worrying about. My dad used to say, "With a son, you only have to worry about one penis. With a daughter, you have to worry about them all."

I laugh with sadistic glee. I'm going to buy her every noise-making toy on the planet. I'm going to buy the most feminine of outfits. I can't wait until that day when the house is full of Tiger Beat magazines, and filled with the sound of whatever crappy bubble gum pop happens to be trendy. He will never get to use the telephone. He will have boys calling the house at all hours of the night. He's going to be sitting in the living room cleaning his hunting rifle whenever a young boy comes to take her out.

I can't wait until the first time my brother has to go out and buy feminine hygiene products.

This is going to be great!!