Monday, August 21, 2006

Apartments suck ass.

For those of you who are not new to this blog, I hate apartment living. I loathe it. I despise it. The only thing worse than apartment living...is...well, I don't know what is worse than apartment living.

So, I am really looking forward to having my own house...which will be before the end of the year.

My apartment has met it's expectations...which were very little. All I needed was a place, relatively inexpensive, to keep me warm and dry until I finished college and established myself in my new career. Now that has been accomplished, the apartment has served it's purpose, it's time to move on to greener pastures.

For those of you who are also not new to this blog, you know I have a dog. An American Eskimo named Sam. Sam, while cute, has an annoying bark. I don't want to hear his bark when I am at home, so he wears a bark collar. When I am working, he is without the bark collar. If someone comes snooping around, I want Sam to bark himself senseless. Sam is my theft deterrant. No one has broken into my apartment, so I can guess that he's doing his job.

Funny about the nature of dogs...they bark. So, imagine my complete shock and amazement that my heavy-footed fat neighbor lady who lives upstairs came down first thing this morning to tell me that Sam barks.

"I have a 6-month old baby," she whined, "And your dog barks and wakes the baby and I can't have that."

I waved my hand to dismiss her, muttering something about putting the bark collar on him. I don't know if she expected me to kiss her ass because she just stood there...all bloated, fully dressed, no bra, eye-liner smeared down her faced...looking as though she just did her Walk of Shame.

I can't help feeling bitchy...I just came off of 12 hours of arguing with a patient who insisted she paid my salary, and therefore was entitled to me waiting on her hand and foot. (Subsequently, I told her she wasn't in a hotel, and she could never afford my salary.) Besides, I'm usually an even bigger asshole when I lack sleep.

But I digress.

I sent Single-Mom on her way with assurances that I would put Sam's bark collar on him. I know she has called the management to complain about Sam in the past, I've been in their office when she made the call. Management and myself just rolled our eyes in unison. Dogs bark, and not every owner has a bark collar. If you can't deal with noises from your neighbors, maybe apartment dwelling isn't for you.

She's really going to come unglued when I shampoo my carpets tonight...around 1am. I work nights...my schedule is reverse of what normal people do, which is why I do my grocery shopping at 2am. Let her call the cops. They love the nurse. They might even help me move the couch.

It would be even better if I had a boyfriend/husband (but then if I was married, we wouldn't be renting) then we could have REAL LOUD sex every night. Then if she complained, I could always say that I'm trying to have a baby of my own that I can keep awake with my dog's barking.

I've observed an influx of the Single Mothers in my apartment complex lately. A set of them live right next door to me, Bloated Single Mom lives upstairs. It almost makes me miss the Alcoholics who used to live upstairs before her. At least when they walked around, it didn't sound like my ceiling was going to cave in.

I hate apartment living. When I buy a house, I'm going to have a ginormous housewarming party to celebrate my liberation from apartment dwelling, particularly from this apartment complex.

And everyone is invited...with the exception of Bloated Single Mom. All the noise might wake the baby.

3 comments:

Faith said...

Wow. I don't know what else to say except just that.

Xavier Onassis said...

See, I'm torn.

I want to support you. I really do.

But if I lived in an apartment, and had a newborn child, and I had a neighbor who's dog barked 12 hours straight while she was working, then she finally got home, the dog stopped barking and she decided to shampoo her carpets at 1am...

I REALLY, REALLY don't think I could take that. I'd be pissed off too.

Sorry. But that just sounds inconsiderate.

Heather said...

The world isn't very considerate of night shifters in general, and considering folks like me keep the world running after hours, that's just plain rude. After 12 hours of dealing with best KC has to offer, don't come at me first thing when I get home and verbally attack me when you can approach me like a civilized adult.

That's when you're going to get the very worst of Heather.

Sam is generally quiet at night while I am away (I've already discussed this with my other neighbors), it's only when you have strange people hanging around who shouldn't be (once had cops chasing some guy in the hall, Sam was ballistic), that's when he gets vocal. That and when I get home and he is happy to see me.

But I don't plan on leaving him alone with an electric shock collar on. That's something bad just asking to happen.