Tuesday, August 15, 2006

My Dental Excursion

Today, I went to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned. Now, when I go to get stuff like that done, I just like to lay in the chair, and not talk. Besides, it's hard to talk when you have someone's hands crammed in your mouth, but even so, I just like the silence. I don't care much for idle chit-chat just to pass the time. Same goes for when I get my nails done. I'll talk during hair appointments because Amy usually has something interesting to share. Amy is the only one who has permission to blather. Everyone else can shut their cakehole.

Imagine my disappointment when I got Chatty Kathy as my dental hygienist.

She directed me to my chair. I get the obligatory "how's your summer?" segway, and off she goes. I didn't have to do much talking, she more than covered enough ground for everyone else in the office.

In the hour I was there, there are things I learned...

(Read the following loudly, as fast as you can talk, avoid breathing if possible.)

She's married and has no kids and isn't sure if she wants kids and by the way, she has been super busy because school is starting because all the parents waited until the last minute to bring them in and sometimes they bring in 4-5 kids at one time and their waiting room while not small isn't very big so imagine a medium-sized waiting room full of kids and she just didn't know what she was going to do with all these kids because it was insane. By the way, are you going on vacation? (intelligible response from me) Yeah, she's going camping this weekend with her husband because they like to camp and do it all the time, but prefer to do it in the spring and fall when it is not too hot and this weekend his mother in law is coming along but she really thinks her mother in law is weird so she was able to get out of camping Friday night and only camp Saturday and Sunday. Her husband doesn't like to travel, so she is going to do travel alone because she wants to travel and see the world but her husband doesn't and she knew that when she married him and she figured she would have to find her own travel buddy and by the way, her boss is taking the entire office to Vegas in October for a dental conference and she has never been to Vegas but how often does your boss take you to Vegas and she was doing a really good job saving up for it and her husband is not very happy she is going to abandon him for the weekend because he has been complaining more about it as of late but she really isn't into gambling because if she were, she could do it here in town but instead she is going to spend a lot of time at the pool reading a book because she likes to read and did she mention that her dad bought a timeshare in Hawaii, but not on the main island, but rather on the one that is all lush and tropical and she thought it was the Garden Island and she can't believe her dad bought a timeshare because that wasn't his nature, sure he would go listen to the sale's pitch for the timeshares to get a free meal or something but she couldn't believe that her dad actually paid money for the timeshare but she thought that maybe his new wife had something to do with it and isn't it strange what a new spouse can make someone do? (unintelligible response from me) Can you believe how fast the summer has gone by? She couldn't, but she had two nieces who were starting school and one was starting high school and she was TOTALLY freaking out that everyone else in high school was going to be taller, older, thinner and better looking and what if she couldn't remember the combination on her locker and she couldn't get into the locker and get her books because she needed to make good grades because her aunt bribed for good grades and they go to school in quarters and not semesters but there was one quarter where they didn't get to go shopping because someone had a C in math but they were able to go the next quarter because that C was brought up to a B- and their mother doesn't care about her good their grades are, so she has to bribe them because education is important and she takes them out shopping and when you get these two girls together, they just talk nonstop and you can't ever get a word in edgewise...can you imagine?

I can't imagine. I can't imagine how she managed to get through all that without taking one single breath.

(On a side note, I would like to point out how incredibly painful it was to write that paragraph and not use correct grammar and punctuation. Spellcheck is going to go apeshit when I run it.)

After the cleaning and my ears being talked off, Mr. Dentist comes to inspect the handiwork and they send me on my way, but not before giving me my free toothbrush, toothpaste, and dental floss. I got the ugliest toothbrush ever, but you can't be picky when it's free. I now have a gazillion things of dental floss because I buy a certain kind. So, I'm going to have to figure out how to get rid of all this floss. I wonder if I took it to work and put it with a bowel with a sign that said "free"...if anyone would help themselves.

I'm so incredibly tired now, so I am going to go to bed. I have no pressing engagements, so I should be able to sleep in. I can't wait!

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