Friday, December 08, 2006

A Mormon Walks Into a Gay Bar...

Last night, a bunch of friends from work wanted to go out and have some drinks, possibly get sauced. Because I practically dwell in Dry Land, would I be willing to be the designated driver?


So, I went. I picked up everyone else (who met at a central location) and off we went. First stop, Tomfooleries on the Plaza where two more people met up with us. Six of us total.

Everyone had a drink and we listened to the cover band, which wasn't bad, actually. It was there that one of the girls had an idea to go to this one place that has a show everything Thursday. It also happened to be a gay bar. I thought Missy B's, but it was a place called Tootsies.


So, I drive the gang there, and we go in to this somewhat obscure entrance. If you didn't know what it was, you wouldn't be able to figure out just by driving past it. One dollar cover charge and everyone bellied up to the bar. As a designated driver, I got my non-alcoholic beverages at no charge. YESSSSSSSS!

Drinks in hand, we settled at a table in the far back corner of the room. Lots of girls running around, some looked like boys, and some looked, uhhh, normal. The show started and there were a couple female impersonators and there were a couple male impersonators. They stood on the stage, lip-syncing a song, maybe dancing, and visiting the people who came up to the stage waving dollar bills. Is this what they all do? Just lip-sync and collect money? Hell...I can do that! Of course, there is the the issue that I look nothing like a boy and have no desire to. Besides, what would I do with "the girls"?

Maybe I could dress as a man trying to impersonate a woman. All it would take is lots of make-up, a big wig, and a very loud dress.

I could lip sync something by Dolly Parton. I could rake in the dough!

That would take care of part of my mortgage.

It is something to consider...

At any rate, three of us six actually got up to dance after the show, leaving me and two other sitting there, slurping on our beverage of choice, watching our surroundings, trying to keep our expressions in check. One of the female impersonators wanders over to our table, which I have come to think of it as "the straight table". I think he/she could tell we were not exactly in our element. We tried to compliment the entertainer, but what do you say to a female impersonator exactly?

Nice fake boobs? Great job lip syncing? Awesome wig? What method do you use to rid your legs of all that unwanted hair??

Shortly after that, the we decided to leave. The other three were going to stay because they were having a good time.

It wasn't that it was because it was a gay bar. I come from the live and let live mindset. I think for me (and the other two echoed my sentiments) it was just because I'm not much of a barfly. I don't care for the smoke, the loud music gives me a headache. I'm just getting old. I have different ideas for fun with friends that doesn't include trying to figure out who is male and who is female.

So goes another life experience I can add to the "been there, done that" list.


Kristine said...

What a wet blanket you are. Just kidding! LOL. Sounds like an experience to check off your Life List. :)

Xavier Onassis said...

Next you need to check out the Pyro Room at Balancas.