Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Countdown...

It's almost 2:30 in the morning. I should be in bed, alarm set to ring at 5am. I've taken a shower, complete with antibacterial Dial soap. I stopped eating and drinking around midnight.

Surgery day has finally arrived.

Mom will be driving me to the hospital. Actually, I opted to have my procedure at a smaller, satellite hospital. As much I may like the hospital I work at, the surgery department doesn't instill a lot of confidence in me. With my luck, I'd go in for simple knee surgery, and come out with a colostomy bag.

Doc: We fixed your knee, but we did accidentally perforate your colon.

Smo already said she would burp my colostomy bag for me if that happened. I don't know how many people have had experience with colostomies, but the gas they pass has a smell so heinous, the mere thought is giving me heartburn right this minute.

That is the sign of a true friend.

Today, Mom and Mr. Recommendation grilled out. I made delicious pasta and fruit salads. Afterwards, we played dominoes. It was a good night. The only setback was getting ass-raped at QuikTrip to the tune of $52. To fill a PT Cruiser. That big a screwing and no kiss? Would it be too much to hope that the American oil tycoons experience impotency so bad, that their penises shrivel up and fall off the first time they tried to correct it with Viagra??

At any rate, I should be back online when the anesthesia clears and I am coherent enough to be trusted around a computer.

Wish me luck!!

7 comments:

meesha.v said...

Good luck

Donna said...

Best of luck with the knee surgery; I've had a couple of simple meniscus trims, one on each knee. And I'm sure there's a total replacement in my future. Or two.

Yeah, I know about knee pain.

Midtown Miscreant said...

Break a leg.....on second thought, good luck is probably more apropriate.

Spyder said...

Let me know if you need me to come over & kick your ass at dominoes.

Well Hell Michelle said...

Good luck today. And I say screw waiting until the anesthesia wears off to get on the computer. C'mon, you'll be pretty entertaining to us :^)

IDigSmartLadies said...

I'm with Michelle. The blogging is sure to be even more interesting than normal if you're still under the influence.

Joe said...

I have a TDI Volkswagon and am paying a dollar more a gallon than you are. $60 to fill up a Bettle, now that's an ass raping.