Friday, May 16, 2008

A Study in Ghetto Fantastic

H.C. called me yesterday, frustrated.

Her cousin (Big Ed) will be getting married over Memorial Weekend. They had a lovely day planned. Wedding and reception at Table Rock lake. Big Ed (who is a fluffy female), calls to announce a change in plans. The reception will still be down in the Branson area, but the details of the wedding has changed. Instead of the lovely backdrop of Table Rock lake, the backdrop of the nuptials will now be the familiar red backdrop of a well-known insitution...i.e. QuickTrip.

What. The. Hell.

Big Ed and her beloved are both employees at QuickTrip and figured it to be charming to have their wedding there. They selected one in JoCo (somewhere off Blackbob) because "they have pretty landscaping".

Of course, the PTB at Quick Trip have a colossal boner and plan on putting pictures of the event in their corporate newsletter. However, they have asked that those who are attending the wedding to please carpool because they still need the space for their paying customers.

"You guys can always take the bus!" I happily suggested.

Naturally, I had some questions. Will corporate kick in some munchies after the wedding? If so, don't go with the corn dogs. They're nasty. The taquitos aren't too bad, I guess. A far better choice than the eggrolls.

You hear about couples having their wedding in strange and unusual places...but I always figured either one or both parties were mentally retarded.

Understandably, H.C.'s head is about to explode. Top this off with the fact that she has to wear the ugliest orange bridesmaid dress on the planet. If I were in her shoes, I think I would fake my own death and go to Mexico. Because you know, while this event makes a valiant effort to be solemn and touching, some asshole is going to be in the immediate background, pumping $4/gallon gas.

Indy has volunteered to be that asshole. He also plans on taking his camera.

Brother and I were discussing this ad nauseum yesterday. Our family has done some pretty spectacular fucked up stuff...but this really, really takes the cake. Redneck Brother's bowling alley reception cannot hold a candle to getting married at a gas station.

At any rate, I'm strongly encouraging that Brother go to the wedding (as he and H.C. are dating). And not to forget to take the camera. Meanwhile, he needs to locate one of those t-shirts that look like a tuxedo on the front. He has one week to do it.

So, if you are planning a staycation next weekend, and are looking for something interesting to do, stop by the QuickTrip off Blackbob around 1:30 next Friday and wish the newlyweds well.

Take lots of pictures for me...and don't eat the corndogs.

17 comments:

Faith said...

I'm not sure which QT you mean, but if it's the one at 119th, then I used to regularly go there to "get a Diet Coke" (i.e. take a shit) on the weekend mornings I was staying at my then-boyfriend's apartment up the street.

Ah, memories!

And pictures are required. If your brother won't do it, I will. I just need to know what time to be there.

"The D" said...

That is completly awesome!! get his tux here. http://www.tuxedotshirts.com/

emawkc said...

Do you happen to know which convenience stores they're registered at? I'd hate to show up without a gift. Maybe a purse-sized pack of Kleenex? Or a novelty cowboy boot-shaped cigarette lighter?

m.toast said...

Still lolzing...

Spyder said...

http://blogs.kansascity.com/crime_scene/

meesha.v said...

QuickTrip to divorce!

Joe said...

Trash at its finest.

Rachel said...

I hope you don't mind my off-handedly linking to your blog:
http://journals.aol.com/fierrorachel/LifeNStuff/entries/2008/05/17/not-a-single-picture-taken.-youre-off-the-hook./1588
It was too good to pass up.

SmedRock said...

I drive by that almost daily. Unfortunately I will be at Truman Lake next week. Damn.

bobbie said...

Oh. Dear. Me.

Could be worse ~ they could have wanted to get married at a Kum & Go!!!

Kristine said...

Please tell me her bouquet will be made out of individually plastic-wrapped roses!

Tacky Fabulous said...

Really, everyone knows the Daytona 500 is the most romantic place to get married!

http://tackyfabulousorlando.blogspot.com/2008/02/more-fun-from-daytona-speedway.html

IDigSmartLadies said...

I laughed seeing this on Fark. Prepare for some 'interesting' new visitors!

Nuke said...

HC should just be glad they don't work at Hooters!

Rachel said...

OK, another comment on the same post: I have said "ghetto fantastic" at least 5 times since you posted this. I always get a laugh. Thank you!

http://journals.aol.com/fierrorachel/LifeNStuff

JSquared said...

This was mentioned on the air of a local radio station (98.9)this morning....

IDigSmartLadies said...

Yeah.. I'm convinced that 99.5% of FM radio stations (and 99.49% of AM stations too) read Fark for their "offbeat" stories. Whenever I hear one, it's a good bet it was a greenlit front page story on Fark.