Thursday, February 02, 2006

If it looks, smells, and acts like a date...it was one.

The Kansas City Star ran a long series on being single in Kansas City. It pointed out what all singles in Kansas City have known all along...

Being single in Kansas City sucks ass.

Thank you, Captain of the Obvious!

I'm peaking over into the land of 31, and most of my peers are either: married, been married, or are getting married. On my floor, most of the nurses are now getting engaged...not to mention they are at least 5 years younger than me. I used to have this mental countdown: married by 27, kids by 30. Right at the time I graduated from nursing school, I pretty much said "screw it" to the pressure of getting married. I now had a solid job, with a good income, and I really only needed a man around the house to mow the lawn and take out the trash.

Being LDS, I know more than my share of women who were chomping at the bit to get married. It's the Mormon way! I remember one girl commenting that she would rather be dead than 35 and not married. I remember that many a young girl held the following sentiments:

"Why should I go to school and get an education when I am just going to stay home and raise kids?"

"Why should I buy a house when my husband will do that?"

"I'm not going to do any travelling because that is something I will do when I get married."

It pretty much boiled down to this: they refused to get out and live life until that gold band was on their finger. Now, I'm not a feminist by any means, but even that is enough to make me want to go burn my bra (and given my proportions, I would be fined for having a bonfire within city limits).

But I digress...

Any single person with a brain will tell you that the dating scene in KC is rough...unless you want to drop your standards and settle for a high school dropout who is missing half his teeth, has poor hygiene, wears a mullet, and has a Dale Earnhardt shrine.

After quite a few bad experiences with dating, it is safe to say I have become quite selective. So, when I do go out on a date, rest assured that the guy I am with is of somewhat exceptional nature, in my opinion.

Take Tuesday for example.

I went out with this guy I've had a slight crush on for a while. The day was a raincheck for him flaking out on my last week due to some gastric ailment that was making it's rounds. At any rate, we've been talking on the on the phone on a pretty regular basis, almost daily. We've gone out together for different events and whatnot. Nothing physical has happened, and no DTR (define the relationship).

So, he comes to my house. He has no idea how to get anywhere north of the river, so I drive. We go to this place, we go to dinner (he pays), then we go here for some fun and games (he pays). We go back to my house where I get a hug and he goes home...it's now 6pm. The evening started more around 1pm....which could quite possibly be the earliest date I have on record.

After giving it a lot of thought, I ask him the next day what to call our adventure...

Me: Was it a date?
Him: ...Not sure...what do you think?
Me: (totally chickening out)...I dunno...
Him: How about an outing?
Me: An outing?
Him: Yes, I'm still trying to get over the whole "not dating from work thing" (yes, we work together. It's a big hospital...so shut it)
Me: ...an outing...
Him: Some habits die hard...
Me: (thinking) What in the hell does that mean?

(If there is a guy out there who can translate this conversation for me, I'm all ears...)

I discussed this with Kant further and she thought the outing explanation was bunk. "Sounds like a date to me." I agreed. So, when I talk to him next, I'm going to tell him that we went on a date...and he can take that, put it in his pipe, and smoke it. If he concedes it was a date, then he will have gotten past his "dating from work" issues. See how easy that was! Quick, painless, and no blood was shed.

I've liked guys in the past who have given me the blowoff with such self esteem boosters like: "I thought you liked me, but then I thought you got better" and "I'm looking for the full meal deal, not just the chicken nuggets" and "I think of you more as my little buddy".

Funny how the same guys who told me this years ago, are now knocking at my door wanting a second chance, inviting me to go to swingers clubs and stuff.

So, it is safe to say that I am a bit gun-shy when it comes to dating and the opposite sex. Not to mention the cards are stacked against me because I am:
a) single
b) over 30
c) Mormon.

In conclusion, dating sucks in Kansas City. You married people just don't know how easy you have it. You think we get to have all the fun...but we still have to take out our own garbage.

8 comments:

Jared said...

I'm looking for the full meal deal, not just the chicken nuggets

I swear that was a line that Dennis used to use. Boy, those were the days.

Heather said...

You're right, Hair...it was Dennis who told me that!

He's singing a different tune now...

Those days were fun. The days of campouts in my living room, tickle fights and the infamous turtle cake.

Fun times, fun times...

pomegranate said...

a) i loved this post.

b) i'm thinking i might be too stupid for nursing school. any thoughts?

Jeb "Chang" Bush! said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jared said...

He's singing a different tune now...

I hope that you're not implying that he's the swinger you mentioned in your previous post.

Bruno said...

Hello Heather. Found a link to this post from another blog and followed it because I draw a comic strip about dating in KC -- and I'm always looking for new points of view.

Of course, the point of view that "dating in KC sucks" is not rare, to say the least.

Now, as for the definition of date, I ask you: you brought up DTR. Aren't you calling him and introducing a DTD (Define The Date) or DTO (Define The Outing) in the mix? Does it really matter what it was, or what you choose to call it? I hope I get to read more about dating when you get back from your blogging vacation, and when you do, tell us about how things would be different if your coworker had called it a date -- or you an outing.

Great blog, by the way. Enjoy "The ATL."

RCH said...

I am ashamed of any LDS women (any women, PERIOD!) who think that staying at home to raise children doesn't require a brain. That irritates me to NO END.

I'm also irritated by the ones who do end up going to college because, "What if future DH dies or leaves me? I may someday have to work."

::BIG FAT EYE ROLL::

What is so wrong with people that they don't see the inherent value of an education, future job prospects (or the lack thereof) aside?? Especially Mormons, who profess to believe that "the glory of God is intelligence." GRRRRRRR.

Of course, I am a feminist, so take this bra-burner's rant with however much salt you think appropriate. (Though I *am* right, you know.) ;-)

Heather said...

No, Hair...it wasn't Dennis who invited me to the swingers club...but it was someone you may know, or at least heard of.

As far as my "outing"...I guess to an observer, it doesn't matter what it was called. We went out, we had fun, and we will probably do it again. I suppose my need to DTD has a lot to do with the relationship I have with this person. It's been going on for a year, and I want to know where it is going, if anywhere.

In the end, date is just a word. I could even invent a word and it would really make no difference. I guess I should just be grateful I got to get out of the house and go do something with a member of the opposite sex, and have a great time.

To hear the Star tell it, my excursion was more than what some other single Kansas Citians get to do...and that is something.