The Somali pirates have been doing their plundering for years, this much is understood. Boats that sail in those waters, run the risk of getting, uh, pirated. They know this. Everyone knows this. My dog even understands this, and he licks his own ass.
Wouldn't it make sense if those cargo ships, oh I don't know, tried sailing different routes??
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So, we have the victim. Big ass cargo ship weighing hundreds of thousands of tons because it's made with iron. And it's usually transporting something, whether it be oil, cheaply made household items from Taiwan, or cars that are made by auto manufacturers that are not a hair away from going belly up.
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No...the SS Lard Ass gets overwrought with these pirates.
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Think about it...third world pirates overtaking something as big as the SS Lard Ass with a rocket launcher that looks like it came from a Cracker Jack box, and assault rifles. It's like me trying to car jack a Hummer with a pellet gun while riding a skateboard.
Anyway...so up until now, the fearsome Somali pirates had a pretty lucrative deal. Hold ships hostage, demand insane ransom, wait for the ransom to be delivered, go home to macaroni and cheese dinner, or whatever it is Sally Struthers is peddling in their country. And the companies have been paying the ransom like Pavlov's dogs, which in turn encourages more piracy. The never-ending cycle of dumbassery.
And yet each time it happens, its a shocking development. Really?
Then they took American hostages, and suddenly the world noticed. We sent a armed-to-the-teeth-and-bomb-you-into-the-stone-age-destroyer, which is like sending a Sherman tank to take care of a rodent problem.
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It is widely known that the only thing that trumps a pirate is a ninja. Master Ninja Obama sent out the bat signal, and the U.S. sent out our very own special fleet of top secret ninjas.
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At the end of the day, we have dead pirates, a freed hostage, and other pirates vowing revenge. Arrrggggghhhh!!!
So, back to my original point. I do have one...I just wanted an excuse to post the picture of shirtless Navy Seals.
Anyway...
Obviously, various military escorts for every cargo ship is unreasonable. So, options are whittled down to a few. We can bomb Somalia (and hope Sally Struthers was there) and turn it into series of lovely touristy resorts. Or...we can retro-fit each SS Lard Ass with their very own missile launcher.
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But then, it might just be easier just to have the cargo ships take a different route in the first place...
5 comments:
This is probably the first time in a LONG time that I've snorted, laughing out loud for real, at 6 in the morning. I guided several folks to this post, because it's just too damned funny, and right on.
So trueeeeeeeee and so funny
Well shit! I can't biggy the photo of the seals.
Made it a little biggy, just for you.
OHHHH so nice!Those are seals i approve of clubbing with!
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