God Made Dirt, and Dirt Don't Hurt

Ever since the recent Sutherlands circular came in mail, I've been obsessed. For there, on the front page, they were advertising 40lb bags of top soil for 99 cents a bag. I've been needing some extra dirt for the yard, and have been looking for some to buy. Some people are really proud of their dirt, and they want an arm and a leg for it. All I want is to fill up the saint bernard-sized holes in the backyard, maybe with enough left over to plant some flowers or shrubs. My backyard, pathetic when I moved in, now looks like a war-torn third world country.

Tuesday night, Mom and I stopped by the hardware store. We walked around inside and out in the little greenery area, and found no dirt. I asked a salesperson about their dirt, and they informed me that they were sold out. However, they would be getting a truckload the following day.

Before I went to bed, I set the alarm bright and early (for me) so I could call the hardware store to see when this magical shipment of dirt would arrive. Three calls later, they finally nailed down a time for me as to when the truck would arrive.

So, imagine my disappointment when I got to the store, and discovered they had just sold out. It was an actual shipment they got, but rather dirt on loan from another store as they didn't anticipate dirt being such a hot item. Meanwhile, an old fart in front of me was yelling at the clerk, saying they promised they would have dirt that day, and they didn't, so they lied. Because, you know, he would have to wait longer for dirt to put in his yard, and thereby delaying the chance to yell at those damn kids for walking in it.

Old Fart stomped off in a huff. I meekly asked about when they would get more dirt, and she said they were expecting a big shipment the next day, but I should call before I drive over.

The next day, I called in the morning. No dirt. After lunch, I called and they were just unloading the truck now. Naturally, I hauled ass over to the hardware store, where there was already a small crowd, all wanting dirt.

Not taking any chances, I ordered 20 bags of dirt. All to be put in the back of my PT Cruiser. The store workers even raised their eyebrows when I handed them the receipt, but they loaded up 20 bags of dirt, 800lbs of it, in the back of my car. I suddenly looked like I was driving a low rider. Good thing I didn't ask for 30 bags like I was contemplating.

So, now I have the dirt, safe within the confines of my garage. I don't dare leave the bags outside...someone might steal my dirt. If you can't trust leaving your dirt outside, then what kind of world do we live in?

I fear this may have created a new addiction for me. Dirt. I'll probably be returning to the store to buy more dirt. Why have 800lbs of dirt when I can have 1200lbs???? All for $40.

This home owning business has made me sick in the head.