Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Things That Make You Cry Out To Whatever God You Happen to Worship

I'm talking about orgasms, or more specifically, things that make you have one.

As some of you may or may not know, I sling vibes on the side. Some women get into it, and they make serious bank doing it. I got into it because I thought it would be fun, anything else is just gravy.

However, when I initially signed up, things in life started happening, and the whole sex-toy thing was sort of shelved while I dealt with life's little hiccups.

Now, I'm re-launching my business, starting with a Cinco de Mayo Party for the ladies. I sent out a bunch of Evites, so if you didn't get one, leave me your email and I will add you to the list.

Tonight, I went to a meeting. Apparently, they have them monthly. The featured speaker is one of those women who make bank. How serious? Well, her hubby now doesn't have to work, and now stays at home with the kids while she sells dildos. And did I mention she's earned at least a million dollars in the 9 years she's beeing doing it???

At any rate, the speaker was entertaining. I was amused to see a man-wife team of consultants. I'm sure there is a lesson there about a couple who sells sex toys together, has sex more often, or something like that. I personally wouldn't know.

Another thing at this meetings was the showing of the new items that were rolling out for the spring. Two of which being a lotion and a gel. The gel was to help mask the taste of...whatever. But honestly, if you don't have good hygiene, all the flavored gel in the world isn't going to mask the taste of anything. Even if that gel is bleach flavored.

The other item being an edible massage lotion.

They passed around a bottle of each for us to sample. I tasted the gel. It tasted like strawberries, just like the bottle said. Then came the lotion. Now, I was paying attention to the speaker, and sort of in lotion-autopilot. Because of the nature of my real job, the skin on my hands is fairly rough. I use a lot of lotion. You use a lot of lotion consistently for many, many years, some habits are just second nature.

With that in mind, I squirted a big, ol' blob of edible vanilla massage lotion on my hands and started rubbing it in. It wasn't until both my hands were completely covered, did I realize my pinheadedness. I kept rubbing my hands together until the lotion was pretty much absorbed, and I smelled like a great, big vanilla bean. I hope no one noticed.

I was pleasantly surprised to find that the lotion wasn't sticky, and made my hands soft, which saved me from having to run to the bathroom sink.

But now, as I sit here, after having washed my hands twice, I can help but suck my fingers because they still taste like sweet vanilla.

I'm going to buy some for my shows, but hold off for my own personal cache. Because my own personal product guinea pig has decided that he has better things to do than me, adding such things at this time seems like a moot point.

Besides, if I did buy it, all I would do is put it on my hands and lick my hands while I was playing WoW or something....which is not what Passion Parties had in mind when they developed the product.

But I will be more than happy to sell you a bottle of your very own, if you like.

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