Monday, April 06, 2009

When Saying "I Love You" Just Isn't Enough

My friend, HC, alerted me this weekend to the fact that Brother would be giving her a tattoo. It would be her first, and Brother is very good at slinging ink. She emailed her idea to Brother, who was unable to print it off my printer, so she emailed it to me.

When I opened it, all that was there was a name. The name of her fiance. First and last. From what I can figure out from the email, she wants first name down one side of her torso, the last name down the opposite side. In cursive, you know, to make it classy.

I'm not one against tattoos. I like looking at them. And there is something about tattoos on a guy I find a bit of a turn-on. However, I do not have any ink. This is primarily of my fear to commit to one design forever, and ever. Because once it's there, its there until you cough up the money for laser removal. Maybe my fear of commitment is that intense.

Aside from my own personal aversion to tats on my physical person, even I am aware of the universal, and wide-held opinion that tattooing names on your body is seldom a good idea. The only exceptions being your kids, or your parents, or your pet if you feel strongly enough about it. If I conducted a survey on people who had their significant others names tattooed on their bodies, I would say very few of them would still be with that same person to this day. In fact, I think it could be proven that the durations of relationships can be scientifically measured from the moment the ink stains the skin, to the time the object of your art/affection is discovered with a transvestite hooker.

So much for love lasting eternal.

In a nutshell, it's just bad karma. However, it is good business for Brother, who does a lot of cover-up work for those people who's tattoos lasted longer than the relationship did.

So, when HC revealed to me her idea, I shared it with Smo (I was at work at the time). We both agreed it was a monumentally bad idea.

"My mom has the name "Charlie" tattooed on her," said Smo. "But my dad's name is David."

I relayed this information to HC, who blew off our concerns.

"My dad has the name Kerry tattooed on him," added Smo. "But my mom's name is Angie."

I also relayed this info to HC. Again she poo-pooed our concerns. When some people have their minds set on something, there is no changing them.

I went home in the morning and chided Brother for agreeing to such a job, and he just shrugged. He feels that while S.O. names are a horrible idea, if you want it bad enough, he will ink it on you.

Instead of a name, why not pick an object that represents this person, and go with that instead? An animal? A symbol? Hell, even a garden gnome, but just not a name.

For the love of God, HC!!! Anything, but a name!


Candice said...

That relationship is now doomed. DOOMED I tell you!

m.v. said...

They had this discussion on Johnny Dare. Tons of people called with wrong names/initials and some of them had more than one set.

Beckle the Freckle said...

My FIL has one on his forearm in a heart, complete with chirping birds and all! The name inside has long since been blurred out...not very effectively, but enough that it obscures the fact that the name does not belong to my MIL. (And they were pretty

Isn't having the name of a lover on your body some kind of Murphy's Law?

Beckle the Freckle said...

oops...I meant to type ...young when they got married.) up there but my kid had other ideas. He's a tiny button pusher.

Nuke said...

Tell her to get 2 hearts melting together or something else symbolic of eternal love. Tell her text is boring anyway. Tell her anything you have to, just talk her out of it.

I like my ink a lot, and I love my GF, but there is NO WAY I am getting her name (first, last or even initials) on my body.

crustybastard said...

I got: WINONA FOREVER. And I'm Johnny Goddam Depp.

Think about it.

Johnny Depp

Inked Asshole said...

Yeah I was one of them to call into 98.9 the rock with the story of doing "My Ex's" initials on my ring finger and covered it up with "Tribal flames". I have done alot of name cover ups in the years since I have been doing ink. It does seem to jinx the relationship some what in my eyes. I told H.C to think about it and have yet to hear back. I'm just saying, just because you have something forever on your body, does'nt mean it will be.

Kate said...

Have her watch a few episodes of "Rock of Love Bus" and point out how many of the girls fighting it out for Brett Michael's attention had dude's names tattooed on their boobs. If the girls on that show think it's a good idea, it's probably not.

keepontruckin said...

But the risk makes it so ro-mannn-tic. ;)

Midtown Miscreant said...

I had my first wifes name on my arm, it is now covered up by an angry oriental dragon, so it's like she is still there.