Friday, February 05, 2010

What Happened...

I know some of you may wonder what transpired after my last post regarding my relationship. I'd like to thank the well-wishers and such. Your support did mean a lot to me.

Well, I did reach out to him, directed him to the post in question, but the damage was already done. While I have trust issues, he apparently did as well, and there were just some things he couldn't work around. He'd waffle between wanting me, and then not wanting anything to do with me.

It confused me. It made me hopeful. It broke my heart.

I ended up saying the wrong thing. Or doing the wrong thing. I was afraid to be myself. He became hardened and my apologies landed on deaf ears.

In the end, I have nothing to show but a confirmed belief that fairy tales don't exist. There is no such thing as a happy ending. Maybe for some women...but not me.

I guess it could be said that we weren't well matched. We were too much alike, and that was ultimately out undoing. We were both stubborn jackasses not willing to give an inch. I will now always wonder and blame myself.

This is a horrible place to be.


Donna said...

I'm sorry. It's been a long time, but I remember the pain of a broken heart.

me said...

I'm so sorry it didn't work out the way you hoped it would ~

IDigSmartLadies said...

You are correct about two things. First, fairy tales do NOT exist. All relationships require work, even good, healthy ones.

Second, there is no such thing as a "happy ending" (unless you're talking about Friendly Restaurants or sketchy massages). There is no end state. Happiness is a continual and on-going goal. It's like "Jack" in "Fight Club", believing that his life would be perfect, if he could just complete his collection of things.

How to get there is the challenge, and you will. Understanding the root of your trust issues is key. Considering them, re-visiting them, and working though strategies for managing them is the key.

Just because your dad did a shitty thing to you doesn't mean that all men will do shitty things. If, however, you treat someone as though they'll do something shitty at any moment, chances are they will do so sooner than later. Mostly, this is so they don't have to be treated like they already have done something.

Anonymous said...

Take some comfort in the fact that you've learned from the experience.

After all, it's true that good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.

Anonymous said...

Hey Heather,

Again, we've share similar experiences. I met up with my ex for dinner a few weeks ago, where I was able to finally let him go on my own terms. Although he was the one to break things off with me around New Year's, I had a lot of things I felt I had to get off my chest to him. After I gave him the letter regarding how I felt, I was at peace and ready to move forward in my life w/o him. I figure if we're meant to be it's in destiny's hands now. For myself, I decided to put myself out there because life is too short. :) I figure if I was important to him, he would NOT have let me go. You and I BOTH deserve to be with someone who wants to be with us as much as we want to be with them. No relationship is perfect; a good relationship takes work.