Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Ship Happens: Visiting the Armpit of U.S. Territories

Monday we woke up late, only to realize that we didn't catch the memo about setting our clocks another hour forward, so we missed the group excursion to go down the big water slide on the cruise ship...and group photo. We also missed breakfast, which is a tragedy because anytime you miss a meal on a cruise ship, it is equivalent to of a garden-variety Catholic miss having tea with the Pope. I'm just saying, that's how serious some passengers take chow time.

So, I am currently two hours ahead of everyone back home. It's around 9:30pm where I am now, still tending to my sunburn. Which means everyone is still freezing their asses off in Kansas City around 7:30pm.

Monday night, we stopped in San Juan, and were slated to remain there from 5pm to Midnight. Most all the shops had closed for the night. All the other shops that stayed open all sold the exact same thing. I must say I wasn't overly impressed with San Juan. Garbage everywhere emitting a mixed bag of smells...none of them good. We saw a guy who was stoned into the next time zone passed out in a doorway.

Our friends wanted to visit Senor Frogs...which is a drinking establishment of the most unique kind. This is the place people like to go to because they know that by the end of the night, someone is going to have their clothes off. Everything there is butt-ass expensive. You'd have to mortgage your house for a plate of nachos.

At any rate, Kristi and Kevin ducked into Senor Frogs. I didn't feel like getting tequila served to me in a squirt gun, so I decided to go back to the ship. Paul (we're still not dating) followed. We had pizza from our hangout in the back of the ship (Aft for all you nautical folks). Aside from learning that everyone's garbage looks and smells the same regardless of your nationality, it was a relatively unremarkable port.

Today, we landed at St. Thomas. Butt. Ass. Expensive. A regular bottle of Aquafina...$3. We booked an island tour which landed us on a beach, where the skies opened up and it rained. Some people ran out of the water and under the bar canopy. I suppose it was because they didn't want to get wet.

Also, folks in St. Thomas drive on the wrong side of the road. Everyone drives like they live in St. Louis, but on much more narrow roads, and a winding mountainous terrain. I feared for my life more than once.

Right now, Paul (not dating!) is back in the cabin, snoring to his heart's content. I stopped by the ship's shop and bought some really good perfume because I couldn't find a watch I liked.

Tomorrow, we are going to be in Antigua. Thursday we will be in Tortola. Two days at sea and then we are home. If you guys had snow, I hope you have the decency to have the roads clear upon my return.


Faith said...

Ok, I haven't even made it past the first paragraph of this post yet, but I had to stop to say this...

Group excursion...down a *waterslide*??? Wha? This makes no sense to me.

I'm afraid to ask what it's all about, really. Especially when you're called "Hedonistic Heather" at this particular moment...

Xavier Onassis said...

I've never been on a cruise.

But if I'm reading this right, the objective of these "cruises" seems to be to haul Americans with money to places where people don't have any money and let said Americans spend their money on overpriced crap out of boredom from being cooped up in a big floating hotel that also has the risk of death by drowning.

Did I miss anything?

Oh yeah. Dinner with the Captain. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo. I'm sure he is as thrilled as you are.

I think I'll save my nest egg for hookers and coke. More bang for the buck, so to speak.

That being said, enjoy your trip!! Have a wonderful time!! Post lots of pictures when you get back!! Luv ya! Miss ya!

Anonymous said...

"It's around 9:30pm where I am now, still tending to my sunburn. Which means everyone is still freezing their asses off in Kansas City around 7:30pm."

Oh thanks for rubbing it in. And I don't mean the sunblock. ;-)