Sunday, March 05, 2006

My Parking Rant

My place of employment utilizes parking garages, but still parking sucks...which is one of the reasons I work nights...better parking. Our garages are one-way only, but without fail, I will get to work and inevitably come headlight to headlight with a car who made a wrong turn, and was now going the wrong way in the parking garage. Predictably, the retarded driver of the offending car will glare at me like I did something wrong. Almost as if it is my fault they are too stupid to know what a One-Way sign means.

Apparently, lots of folks missed Know Your Sign Day at Driver's Education Class.

I didn't really understand the magnitude of this growing epidemic until I had my big knee surgery three years ago. Because I was on non-weight bearing status for three solid months, my doctor was kind enough to give me one of those temp tags you hang on your rearview mirror so you can park in what I am have termed, The Gimpy Spot.

The first conclusion I came to right off the bat was there are simply not enough handicapped parking spaces in the world. The second conclusion I came to was while I was at Wally World, gorked on pain killers and riding one of those little scooter things with a basket: they give out too many handicapped placards. That day, I was chased down by a man who wanted my scooter for his 300+ pound Mama, who was sitting in the car in a Gimpy Spot, waiting for a scooter, because she was too big (i.e. lazy) to walk.

On a side note, wouldn't it make more sense to not give the generously proportioned population handicap cards so they are forced to park farther away from the store and have to walk?? But I digress...

On the cards, at the bottom is says to not drive while the card is hanging on the mirror. It obstructs your vision. Now, when you go out, take notice of how many people are illiterate because they have those cards dangling from their mirrors as they speed down the interstate.

Maybe their handicap is they can't read.

Don't get me wrong, there are genuine conditions the warrant the need for the cards, and those who need them should take full advantage of them. In my professional opinion...having an enormously large ass that is a direct result of too many Biggie fries is not a qualifying condition.

What really pissed me off during my 3 months on crutches, is the number of people who had no such handicap card, and parked in Gimpy Parking anyway. I just wanted to hop over to them and beat them with my crutch and give them a reason to be handicapped. Stupid, inconsiderate people.

What I really don't get, are those parking spots next to Gimpy Parking that is reserved for Expectant Mothers Only. If I parked in one of those spots, how would anyone know if I was pregnant or not? Would the manager come out and demand a urine test?? A recent sonogram?? I love it when I see men park there. Do you know how many times I've wanted to ask them when their due date is?? To congratulate them on their pending arrival? Incidentally, the guys who park in these spots don't have Gimpy Cards either.

So ends my parking of my peeves about driving.

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