Nurse Follies: The Drug Inservice

You always hear the stories about how drug companies splurge to send docs on fancy vacations and such if only they prescribe their drugs. Enough people of note complained about how it was unfair, and so the drug companies sort of put the kibosh on such extravagant spending. At least that is what they say. Drug companies still seduce docs with favors, don't be fooled. Somewhere out there, a doctor is sunning himself in Tahiti because he is going to prescribe a shit ton of Prevacid...whether anyone needs it or not.

At best, nurses would get ink pens and note pads. Sometimes, the drug rep brings would bring us donuts...which is all consumed by the day shift. All the night shifters get is an empty box with a few crumbs and a pathetic "sorry". Bastards.

There is one exception. We have a drug rep for a company who makes an IV drug we use a lot of. We use it, because it works, and not because we all have matching keychains to show for it. This drug rep feels that nurses should be included because we are the ones who have to push this stuff while the residents of are off banging some young student nurse in a broom closet somewhere. This drug rep hosts big dinners at nice restaurants that I don't ordinarily go to, and we just have to listen to a speaker for about 30 minutes.

Most people will sit through 30 minutes of George Bush reciting Shakespeare if there is a free dinner and open bar involved.

So, I went to last night's "inservice". The first one I have been able to go to. The only person from night shift (on my floor) to attend them at all. This time, it was held at Ruths Chris Steakhouse, which is one of the better known places for steak in the KC area. I'd never been there before, but I had always heard good things. What better way to try out a restaurant when someone else is paying for it?

I met up with some colleagues and we seated ourselves into the room. From the looks of things, we are going to be crowded in like sardines. Oh well, it's free. Waitstaff come out of the woodward and begin pouring wine. I remember my last experience with wine, so I order something else. Nurses begin pouring in, and they immediately set to drinking.

Nurses can put away the liquor. Don't let anyone tell you different.

So comes the appetizers, the salad, then the speaker...which was like watching paint dry. He drug out the Power Point presentation. Buzzed nurses pretend to be interested in what he is saying, while working on their 4th glass of wine. He finishes and everyone claps like trained circus seals. Even the drug rep who put this event together agrees that he wasn't the best speaker in the world.

Then come the entrees (The steak was fabulous...and I am all about red meat.), the dessert, coffee. During the entire time, the nurse seated next to me is drinking his weight in wine. With each glass, he is getting louder, and louder, and louder. At one point, he gropes my leg and begs me to go to Greece with him.

Did I mention that this guy is twice my age??

I avoid giving him the response he wants, which makes him try even harder. What could possibly be more important that going to Greece? I tell him I have a couple trips to the Caribbean in the works. To this, he scoffs and then speculates that I prefer the Caribbean trip because of the possible penis size involved of whomever is going with me.

Can we say inappropriate? Not to mention, just plain gross. The other nurses (all my coworkers) at our table are shocked. My unit educator looks as though she is going to throw a steaknife and lodge it between his eyes. The guy decides he needs more wine, yelling and waving his empty glass in the air. To our dismay, the waiter actually keeps filling it.

The room clears out except our table. The drug rep is visiting us because we are her favorites. Suddenly, Chester the Molester turns white as a sheet, starts sweating profusely, and makes a bolt to the bathroom. I am secretly elated. Everyone else thinks he's having a massive cadiac event and three of them haul ass to the men's bathroom to see if he is okay.

Damn nurses have to over-analyze everthing.

They come back and report what I had suspected all along...he just barfed up the free steak dinner he just consumed (which was a waste of a good steak). After 15 more minutes, he doesn't return to the table, and we are getting ready to leave anyway, so everyone goes to the men's bathroom to check on him. We find him leaning against the sink, puffing on a big cigar, and listening to the bathroom music.

The picture of class.

Afterwards, my unit educator declares that she is not going to another inservice if Chester the Molester is going to be there. I declare that if I go to another event, someone else is going to have to sit next to him.

One nurse makes an observation that somewhere, there is a man who can't afford his meds because of the dinner that we have just consumed. Way to bring down the mood, Human Quaalude!

Despite Drunky Drunkerson, the evening was a nice break from donuts and ink pens...although I was disappointed they didn't have any pens to give out.

Some habits die hard, I guess.