Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Go Away, No Wait a Minute

In my effort to maintain my new love affair with the elliptical machine, I went to the gym tonight. I like to go late because I don't have to wait for machines, and I don't have to suffer the prancing of skinny little blondes who are there for reasons other than working out. You know the ones.

I perched myself upon the elliptical machine of my choosing and began my workout. At my gym, the cardio-theater faces the rest of the gym. So, I can either watch the televisions, or I can watch other people working out. Sometimes I will do both, contingent on if anything good is playing on one of the six screens.

I recently updated my workout play list on my iPod, so I was moving at a fairly good clip. The new sports bra I recently invested in proved to be a sound investment.

New sports bra + good tunes = good workout

Of the gym inhabitants tonight, there was a Tweeker who was just roaming around the gym. I have no idea what she was up to. There were a couple muscle heads. A handful of normal folks like myself that probably go late at night for the same reasons I do. Of the bunch, there was a guy, built like a brick shithouse (he had to have been 6'5"), with red hair.

It's kind of hard to miss the red heads, so I watched as he did his little workout. He kept going to this one machine, and he was using it wrong. I know this because my trainer once berated me for using the same machine the wrong way. Once you get an ass-chewing of such nature, it's hard to forget.

After my session on the elliptical machine, I gathered my bag of workout stuff and started to leave. Someone called out, "Hey, Red!" I turned and it was the Red Headed Gorilla smiling at me.

Yes, I know...Heather brings the heat. However, what I don't bring is a lot of finesse when it comes to strange guys approaching me. So, I did what I normally do in such situations.

I waved, smiled, and ran away.

If I know a guy, it's a little easier for me to be flirty. I'm not like those girls who can throw it out there in bars and clubs. Who dance on bars. Who can be seen on a Girls Gone Wild dvd.

You know, the kind of girls that The D likes to go out with.

No, I'm usually the girl that the guys crawl over to get to the aforementioned females. You're loss, fellas.

Anyway, I'm home now. Safe from being talked to by strange men. Man, they might do something scary...like ask me out for coffee. Or worse...want to exchange phone numbers.

Phew!!

God, I'm so pathetic.

4 comments:

Spyder said...

Next time give the gorilla a banana!

Heather said...

That's a euphamism for something, I just know it!!!

IDigSmartLadies said...

Don't worry. People are typically creatures of habit when it comes to gym times. He'll be back, and you're sure to see him again. Just think, maybe next time you might even be able to say "Hello!" to him, or engage him in witty repartee! Perhaps you could even share your experience with exercise machines and show your well-roundedness and genuine willingness to help out others.

Just please, for the love of Jebus, don't call him "Red Headed Gorilla," m'kay? That might be bad...

meesha.v said...

Being tongue tied when I need to say something is a curse of my life. After the fact hundreds of witty lines and hours worth of comedy material come to mind; but the moment is gone and will never repeat.