Monday, January 07, 2008

Return of the Great Hunter

For the new year, Brother resolved to stop smoking. He cited being tired of the habit, and he was just ready to quit. So he did. Once he sets his mind to do something, he does it. With the kicking of the habit, Brother has discovered nervous energy, and a need to do something with his hands.

Brother returned home this afternoon carrying a long, slender box. I asked what was in the box and shows me that it's a BB gun.

This can only mean one thing.

A few years ago, he worked a job that had a two-week shutdown. Because Brother is the kind of guy who doesn't like to be idle, set up shop in my parents' freestanding garage which had a problem with mice. Sitting in a lawn chair, armed with a BB gun and a plate of Cheese Whiz, he picked off unsuspecting rodents that came out to feast on spreadable cheese. In one day, he bagged around 25 mice.

I, on the other hand, do not have a mice problem.

Brother observed that my neighborhood has an abundance of squirrels. While Sam barks and scares them away, he has yet to actually catch one. Because Brother is bored and in need of a hobby to take his mind off of his nicotine withdrawal, he has taken upon himself thin the squirrel population in the neighborhood...starting with my backyard.

I immediately called Mom to complain. I rather like furry critters, so does Mom. I put Brother on the phone with Mom and she sets in how evil he would be to kill defenseless squirrels. Brother tells her he plan on eating the squirrels that he kills, and suddenly she's okay with the plan.

Killing squirrels for fun = bad
Killing squirrels for food = good

We don't have a meat shortage in my house. Our survival is not contingent on Brother's Daily Spoils. I have no interest in eating a squirrel. Aside from the obvious redneck jokes, this is all very disturbing to me.

But Brother is determined, and so he will hunt trophy squirrel from the comforts of my deck. I don't want to know about it. I don't want to hear about it. And I definitely don't want to see squirrel parts anywhere in my house.

But I do wonder what he plans on wearing during his hunting excursion. Is he doing to dress in beige in an effort to blend in with the house??

If the authorities come knocking on the door...he's on his own.


Donna said...

Since we recently butchered a hog in my husband's shop, I find no problem with anyone killing squirrels and eating them.

Maybe it will help if you tell him that a skinned squirrel looks exactly like a rat. Indeed, is a very close relative of a rat. I'll stick to eating my pork, TYVM.

meesha.v said...

instead of thinking about rats,think that squirrels are related to rabbits. rabbits is good eatin'

IDigSmartLadies said...

I used to pick off chipmunks for my mom in the garden. Little buggers stole nearly every strawberry we ever grew. I don't know how strawberry farms deal with it. My guess is an entire army of sadists.

So, is squirrel considered red or white meat?

Cat: The other, other white meat.

Spyder said...

Tell him it's illegal to shoot in town. Not to mention dangerous. Hope he doesn't hit a window, a neighbor...

Faith said...

Seriously...maybe he should consider taking up knitting, or working on models (airplanes, cars, trains, etc...) to keep himself busy? Or video games?

Shooting at squirrels with a bb gun? GAH!

"The D" said...

I can't believe you called your mom.