Wednesday, January 09, 2008

To Kiss and Tell

There's a lot of nostalgia on the internets right now...or at least on the blogs of friends. My friend, Rachel, recently posted about kisses in her life, and dared folks to do the same.

If I had to list my top five favorite things to do, kissing would make that list. I'm not one for bragging, but I'm pretty good at it. No, I'm not going to demonstrate...you're just going to have to take my word for it. If you are speechless after I've kissed you, then my job is done.

I'd like to think that this talent was given to me as a consolation to knowing when someone is going to croak, or when a boyfriend is cheating on me.

So here it is...my list of memorable kisses.

The First Kiss
It was just before my 15th birthday, and I was having a sleepover at my friend Lisa's house. She had an older brother, maybe 16 or 17 who was hot. Ridiculously hot. Unfortunately, he knew it. Lisa lived in a big, older home. So, we strapped on our roller skates (because roller skating was big back then) and skated around the house. Kenny (the brother) watched as we zoomed from room to room. A couple times, I caught him just staring at me, but I really didn't think anything of it. Later on, I would realize he was giving me that look, but I was young and inexperienced in such matters...so I didn't know what that look meant.

Anyway, Lisa got bored and decided to watch tv while I still skated. At one point, I rounded a corner and before realizing it, Kenny had cornered me, and planted a big kiss on me. I was bewildered, but just went with it because it was fun, and there wasn't anything else to do that day. Afterwards, he asked me if that was my first kiss, to which I answered the affirmative. He then marveled because I was so good at it.

I spent the rest of the day macking on Kenny, and he left the World's Biggest Hickey on my neck (to which I went to great lengths to keep hidden from Mom as she would have had a nuclear meltdown...thank God for long hair). Lisa wasn't mad. In fact, she was excited because she wanted me as a sister.

Kenny and I never talked after that day.

The First Kiss I Actually Meant
James was my first real boyfriend. He lived in a neighboring town, had dreams of being a firefighter, and had a twin brother. We met at the swimming pool the summer I was 15. He came with a youth group on a big yellow bus. So, if we wanted to see each other, it was at the pool because neither of us had a driver's license. Sometimes, we would swim, sometimes, we would hang out at the nearby park

On day, we were sitting on the bus and talking about the summer coming to a close. He gave me that look. Recognizing that look, I got a big knot in my stomach of sheer nervousness. Then, he just leaned over and kissed me. He drooled, but I didn't care. A kiss with a boy I actually liked. I was floating for the rest of the day.

He wasn't necessarily the best kisser ever, but he was my first boyfriend, and in my teen aged emotional mentality, I thought I loved him. So, I was willing to overlook the kissing deficits in hopes that he would get better.

He didn't.

The Worst Kiss Ever
Men, if you suck at kissing, women are going to interpret that as you sucking at everything else. While most men use kissing as a means to an end, women use kissing to gauge a man and his, ahem, presumed talents...not to mention just what kind of guy you are. It's almost impossible to be aroused by a guy who tries to eat your face.

This guy came along later in life. I'd been interested in him for a while, but he was one of those confirmed bachelor types. We'd became good friends through time, hung out a lot. One day, we were on the couch and taking matters in my own hands, and making feminists everywhere proud, I kissed him. Boy, what a mistake that was! It was like kissing a warm, dead fish. He returned the kiss (apparently too shy to make the first move himself), but it didn't get any better. Tight lips, drooling, clumsy. Afterwards, he admitted that while he was a fan of me, he wasn't a fan of kissing because he was worried about germs.

Huge turnoff!!

Our relationship never blossomed after that. We just decided to stay friends. Thankfully, I never had to kiss him again.

The Most Unusual Kiss
While he had full lips and was a good kisser, he liked to bite. A lot. He was a biter.

The Best Kiss
In the movie Hearts in Atlantis, Anthony Hopkins' character is talking about the first kiss of a boy. He says, "It will be the kiss by which all others in your life will be judged... and found wanting. " That is exactly what this next kiss was.

Mike was my equal. A closet romantic, intelligent, funny. He took me to the Plaza for dinner one night, and as we were walking back to his car, he just pulled me into his arms and kissed me, in front of anyone who happened to be there. Never before had a kiss left me speechless and breathless at the same time. Of course, I had to return the favor. I don't know how long we stood there, but it had to be a while. His kiss conveyed all that he was...romantic, intelligent and funny. At that moment, I was smitten.

The job demands of a prosecutor got in the way and the relationship didn't last too long. However, the kiss still resonates years later, and I do find myself measuring all kisses to it.

And wanting it still. Not necessarily from that same guy, but with the same passion and honesty.

I got nothing else to add, but it was fun to reflect upon the kisses of my past. Like Rachel, I dare you to do the same.

5 comments:

K2 said...

Wonderful post! You crack me up. I don't know if I have the nerves or not..we'll see.

Spyder said...

I've been married so long (since 1985) that I don't remember kisses from before.

Jonathan said...

Yeah, not gonna do a kiss list but I will say that your worst one... you coulda helped that guy.

I mean it's not like every womans job to make men better kissers, but I owe a lot to a gal I dated in Hawaii (who happened to be 30 years older, but it's long story).

Anyway if a guy is willing to learn (and not a germophobe) you may be improving his future prospects with just a little advice.

Faith said...

I disagree with jonathan. I had a bad kisser once (licked my face all over...and I so wish I was kidding) who was great in every other way! I tried telling him that licking my face really wasn't sexy, and asked him to please stop it. But as soon as we got close to each other again, the tongue came whipping out!

Admittedly, he was a bit drunk. And I was more into someone else at the time. (Ah to be young and dating one person while wishing you were with another! Oh, wait...that happened when I was old, too. Forget it...) And apparently he hadn't dated much, thanks to his school schedule and his desire to be a lawyer more than anything in the world.

But it was a huge turn off, and there's nothing that really should come easier than kissing. It's not hard. It definitely doesn't involve licking the other person's face. And I wasn't in the mood to be a teacher, so I stopped seeing him after that.

Seriously, drooling? I don't know what would have been worse...being licked, or having someone drool on me while they kiss me. Gah. It just doesn't make sense to me why kissing should be a difficult thing to learn how to do!

RCH said...

Fun read (as always)! Thanks for taking the dare. ;-)