Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Good Thing I'm Leaving the Country...

I'm unhappy today.

I don't know if it's because I was sick (better now). It's not like I had a bad weekend or anything. Actually, I think it's probably a culmination of things.

I'm unhappy because Bosshole doesn't value me as much as he values a BSN. Well pardon me if I didn't have a parental teet to suck on while putting my own ass through college. Not everyone can go to a four-year university. And there is nothing wrong with community college.

I'm unhappy because I know a friendship is coming to an end on a simple matter of trust. I don't trust them, and without trust, there is nothing.

I'm unhappy because I can't get into the classes I need for next semester. Is Statistics really that popular???

I'm unhappy because my gym progress isn't progressing as well as I would like. I really need to quit comparing myself to other girls. I've got a lot going for me, even if most other guys don't know it.

I'm unhappy because my WoW character keeps dying, and I'm starting to grow weary of searching for my corpse.

I'm unhappy because I think I'm permanently damaged and incapable of having a normal, healthy relationship.

I'm unhappy because I have a shit ton of stuff to do before I leave. Cleaning the entire house would be one of those things. Giving Sam a bath would be another. And packing.

I'm unhappy because after 15 years, I still struggle with things in my past, while my brothers have fared better. Anniversaries blow. So does introspection.

Maybe it's just a case of the blahs. Maybe a week away will do me some good. I'll come home all nice and tan and ready to hate the world once more.

At least I'll have brought good coffee home to enjoy while I do so.

12 comments:

Candice said...

Yes, I think some fun in the sun will do good things for you. Toss back a few beverages and enjoy the view of stacked men walking around in speedos that do NOT stuff themselves like a Thanksgiving turkey.

People watching while drunk is also a favorite past time of mine.

Have a great time and Happy Thanksgiving!!

Melinda said...

Aw...if I was in KC, I would give you a hug right now. And then I'd give you one of those clown punching bags that you could punch over and over again to let out a few of your blahs.

Stop comparing yourself to others. Hard to stop, but the only thing that ever comes of it is either getting depressed, or turning into a douche because you think you're better than everyone else, and then when you get kicked off your high horse, getting depressed because then you realize you were being a douche and you have no friends.

As for the friendship, that really sucks. But you can't control the other person, just your reaction to them. If it's best for you that you're not friends, then you're doing the right thing.

Enjoy your vacation. You're getting out of KC and going someplace warm without the threat of ice!!

Melinda said...

Aw...if I was in KC, I would give you a hug right now. And then I'd give you one of those clown punching bags that you could punch over and over again to let out a few of your blahs.

Stop comparing yourself to others. Hard to stop, but the only thing that ever comes of it is either getting depressed, or turning into a douche because you think you're better than everyone else, and then when you get kicked off your high horse, getting depressed because then you realize you were being a douche and you have no friends.

As for the friendship, that really sucks. But you can't control the other person, just your reaction to them. If it's best for you that you're not friends, then you're doing the right thing.

Enjoy your vacation. You're getting out of KC and going someplace warm without the threat of ice!!

Nuke said...

Well, I am in KC and if you need a hug so be it.

BUT, I gotta say some things that I have noted while reading your site.

You have a (relatively) good job that you are good at.
You are smart, fun, and have a fantastic sense of humor. All the people we know in common(even if only thru the net) legitimately like you
You are a grown up, you have a house, a vehicle, and enough saved to take yearly vacations and STILL do home improvement. I know few singles in this category, mostly couples.
You are good to your family and friends. I would have second thoughts about my brother moving in, let alone his pet bear cub.

And finally you are getting over the sicks and you are about to have a great vacation! So forget WoW (we all die in it) and prepare your sunscreen and your liver for a good time!

bobbie said...

Be gentle with yourself ~

Faith said...

Nuke said it all, sista. He speaks the truth.

If you ever need to get together for drinks, and just bitch about shit, I'm always available!

JustCara said...

(a) listen to what Melinda says. She's my life clarity guru. (The girl's gotta gift, I tell you.)

(b) Grab a copy of "The 4 Agreements" and read it on the plane. I don't buy 99% of that self-help crap but that book, I dug.

(c) when all else fails, just say, "f**k 'em." ;)

Donna said...

It's seasonal affective disorder. A few days in the sun will be just what the doctor ordered. I can relate to several of the things you're unhappy about.

Logtar said...

Bring your toon to our server AzShara :) you will die less.

But seriously... the year is almost over, you are about to go on vacation... make the most out of it and don't see the steps that you have not taken yet, see that there is a road ahead and that you already covered some ground.

I Travel for JOOLS said...

Well, young sweet thing, I'm here to tell ya your whole life is in front of you and it will be good if you let it be. I figure you hate cliche's, but I like the one that says when one door closes, another opens.

Behold the open door lady. :-)

p.s. I've changed my moniker..formerly "travel".

Heather said...

Hi Travel!! I still owe you dinner!

It's not SAD, I always am weird this time of year. Besides, I used to date a guy with SAD. Definitely not the same.

Beckle the Freckle said...

Heather, you are amazing. I mean, we hardly know each other and I think of you as one of my friends who just lives far away. You are totally kick ass and I wish I could be more like you when I grow up! ;)

Also? My word verfication is "arsholl".

Have a great time on your vacation! I'm SO jealous.