Wednesday, June 21, 2006

My Eggs: Scrambled or Fertilized

I slept all day Monday until 6pm (sleeping 4 hours more than I had intended). Got up, took Mom out to dinner, came home, checked my email, went back to bed around 9:30pm. Slept until 1am, got up, had an egg sandwich, played Kingdom Hearts 2 until 7am, then went back to bed. Trish called around noon and wanted to know if I wanted to meet her for lunch. In my sleepy haze, I agreed but forgot to ask if she would be bringing her children.

We met at Applebees...me, her and her 3 boys. I love her boys like they were my own family, but even I have family members who I can only handle in small doses. After an outing with her sons, I am reminded why I never reproduced, and am filled with the urge to run to the bathroom and rip my uterus out with a salad fork. I am also reminded as to why my parents never took us anywhere until we were 20.

In spending time with the little ankle-biters, I am also aware of some obvious truths in the event I have any kids of my own...

1. I'm going to still be an asshole.
2. I am going to be hated by my children because I am going to be their parent, and not their best buddy.
3. Time out is for sissies, I'm going to spank them until my hand falls off.
4. I'm never taking them anywhere until they are 20.
5. "NO!" is going to be the most commonly uttered word in my vocabulary.

I do sometimes worry that maybe I have waited too long, and maybe I should have settled down sooner. I worry that in getting older, I become more set in my ways, and I will be a crappy parent. To hear the medical community tell it, I may not even have to worry about having children because my prime breeding age has passed, and my eggs are hard-boiled.

After lunch, I stopped by Bath and Body Works to buy more crap I can't use. They are having their big Semi-Annual Sale, and everything is dirt cheap. I finally figured out that I can't use a lot of their soaps and stuff because it makes me itch to the point I get welts, which is unfortunate because I like a lot of their stuff. I still go and buy it by the basketful, only to put it away in a big box, and save it for when I need to come up with a gift and am too lazy to leave the house and get it. I can just reach into my wonderful box of soap and lotion, and pull out a couple items. Drop them in a gift bag with a card (I have those by the bulk, too.), and give them away. Everyone loves Bath and Body junk.

From there, I stopped by Walmart. Say what you will about Walmart being lowbrow, but sometimes, you just can't shake a stick at their prices. I don't buy everything from Walmart, but I am not a complete and total snob either. Some things I get from Walmart, and somethings I get elsewhere. For example:

Bras and Panties - Department store
Socks - Walmart
Housewares - Target
Laundry soap - Walmart
Shoes - Department store
Cat litter - Walmart

Some things you can scrimp on, but there are some things where there is no other substitute...like Macaroni and Cheese (Kraft).

I was in the checkout line and there was a lady was ahead of me, with her toddler. The woman had pink hair. HOT PINK HAIR...like a troll doll. Why? WHY?? Who said this was cool for a parent?? If my mom were to show up at my place with hair this color, I wouldn't take her out in public either.

If she wanted to eat out, the skies the limit...as long as they delivered.

1 comment:

~sheri said...

Now that's a good idea, the Bath&Body Works gifting thing! I have tons of smelly-good stuff I've either bought and have yet to use, or was given (but don't like for whatever reason ... such as, it smells like raspberry. Yuck). It's not open, why not freakin' regift? Car payments start in July and I will henceforth be one sad, broke mofo (but with a cute car that has a/c).

Speaking of which (sorry, I was gonna email you this question but couldn't find your addy) ... $5000 in hail damage!? H o l y shit. Did insurance take care of any of that?

Yeah, I'm gonna go re-read my policy now *~*

(I seriously doubt parenting is in my future, but I agree with "be their parent, not their best buddy" ... too many people I know have completely screwed that one up. And have some huge brats to deal with. Aaaand no one to blame but themselves!)