Saturday, June 10, 2006

Nurse Follies: Some Dude

With summer upon us, the activities of Some Dude usually increase. Apparently, Some Dude doesn't like to go outside in the winter.

If you don't know Some Dude personally, then you have at least heard of him. I know every doctor and nurse who works in the ER has. The purveyor of ill-will and naughty shananigans. He is lying out there, waiting for th opportunity to jump insuspecting innocent bystanders, who are doing nothing more than, ahem, minding their own business.

Nurse: Sir, can you tell me what happened?
Patient: Well, I was just sitting on my porch, minding my own business, when Some Dude just came up and hit me/stabbed me/shot me (pick one).
Nurse: Was this someone you knew?
Patient: Never seen him before in my life. I think he was a crack dealer, but I couldn't be certain because I don't do drugs.
Nurse: (inspecting burn marks on patient hands)

Sometimes, he's even accompanied by Some Bitch and/or Some Guy. We are not certain if they are related, or just good friends. Sometimes, these people do the dirty work for Some Dude. Sometimes, they strike out on their own to cause mayhem.

For years and years, Some Dude has eluded police. It's not just Kansas City. It's ALL cities. Some Dude gets around. Sometimes, he even attacks more than 5 people a night. You'd think with so many people, they could at least have a sketch of him or something, but no. Some Dude is particularly sneaky as no one ever can get a clear look at his face.

Some Dude is single-handedly responsible for the elevating crime rates everywhere. If we can apprehend Some Dude and his cohorts, then innocent, drug-free citizens can go about sitting on their porches in peace drinking their not-alcoholic beverages, without fear of being attacked for no reason.

He's out there, people. He's waiting.

1 comment:

pomegranate said...

this is hilarious.