Friday, May 18, 2007

The Wonder That is Gates

I had a productive day yesterday. I finally got all the stuff done that I've been saying I was going to do all week. In light of my productive day, I decided that I wasn't going to cook, but rather send out for something. I didn't want any fast food, but I did notice that there was a Gates BBQ not far from my house.

I've lived in, or around, Kansas City since 1993. Not once have I ever stepped foot inside a Gates. I'm a crappy Kansas Citian, I know.

I really wish I had a warning, because someone yelled at me when I first walked in the door.

"HI! MAY I HELP YOU!?!" screamed a little, black woman. Shit...I just walked into the place and I am already pissing someone off.

I selected a mixed plate that had a little of everything on it. Upon seeing my platter in person, I realized I had lunch for work on Friday night taken care of as well. I bought a little bottle of sauce to take with me, and lady behind the counter (the one who yelled at me) talked me into a cup of strawberry soda. It turns out, she was quite nice, but I was stilled unnerved anyway.

I took my dinner home and ate a little (it seems I've gotten used to eating smaller amounts), and packed the rest away in easy, take-to-lunch containers. I must say, it was probably the best BBQ I have ever had the misfortune of dribbling on my shirt. Even the beans were good. I didn't know what I was going to do with a half jar of pickles (aside from sending them to The D's house...because I know of his secret love for pickles), so I just fed them to Sam. He liked the pickles very much, but he also licks his own, what does he know about good taste?

So, that is my review of Gates. It was quite tasty, I think I shall go back again. I never opened the bottle of sauce. I'm wondering if I should take it with me and give it to Kant when I see her. They suffer in Georgia because there are no BBQ joints to speak of. Folks in Georgia have never even heard of a burnt end. It would suck to live in Georgia.

I've yet to pack my suitcase, but I will probably end up doing that Saturday night. I'm slated to work for 4 hours that night. I should have just taken the whole night off, but I was a dumbass. I'm starting to get pretty excited about going. Especially since my next real vacation isn't until November of next year. Hopefully, I will have access to a computer so I can blog as I go.


"The D" said...

I like pickles about as much as I like being gang raped. I would rather have tooth picks shoved up my pee hole than even look, smell, taste, or even type that fucking word.

I think I'm gonna hurl.

SmedRock said...

Having spent 8 years in the hole known ass Georgia, I think I would rather lick my own ass before going back to that place by choice. And you are right, the BBQ in that area SUCKS.

Sassywho said...

The D, just made my imaginable penis hurt and turtle up.

i happen to love jack stack or rosedale...

Faith said...

Really D? *Really?* I'd like to see that show, man. I bet you'd eat a pickle willingly before a toothpick had too much of a way with your pee hole. Perhaps we can test this theory at the next blogger meet up. :)

"Imaginable penis." Hm. ImaginARY, maybe? Or is this like that "suposably" word that some people use now and then?

Heather, I'll eat your pickles any day. But not with Gates...I haven't eaten Gates since around 1997, but I didn't like it much then. I like some random single-restaurant joints around town (RJ's Shack in Mission, and BB's Lawnside in south KC), and Jack Stack. Maybe I should give Gates another chance at some make a strong case for it, indeed. Half a jar of pickles with a mixed platter? They know what they're doing, man!

amy said...

there is nothing more alarming than someone yelling "beef on bun" if you are not ready for it.

"The D" said...

Faith, you bring the toothpick. Heather will administer, b/c she has medical training. <:)

Xavier Onassis said...

All this talk of toothpicks and penis's (or is the plural "peni"? I'm stumped. The subject has never come up before) is making me feel a bit insecure.

Can we talk about boobies now?

BTW, Gates is indeed awesome. If you even tap your breaks as you drive by you can hear them yell "HI! MAY I HELP YOU? YES! YOU! MAY I HELP YOU?"

For your next KC BBQ experience, there is nothing quite like Arthur Bryant's at 17th & Brooklyn.

If you haven't done it, you gotta do it. And they don't yell at you.

Xavier Onassis said...

BTW2 - Does da D realize that in his pic he is wearing a pickle-green shirt? Not really "grocery-store-pickle-green". More like the green of the pickles that my ex-mother-in-law made herself and had stored in her cellar in Iowa.

Those were some freaky looking pickles.


"The D" said...

XO - After reading that I am quite nauseous.

Can we please change the subject back to BBQ? All this talk about my penis (it's penis because I have only one) is making me very uncomfortable. But I do enjoy the attention and so does Willy my one eye trouser serpent.<;)

Heather said...

You know, if you paint your Willy green, it will resemble a pickle.

Spyder said...

"you paint your Willy green, it will resemble a pickle" Too funny! I'm not even going to ask what kind.