Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Call Me One-Armed Jack

Today, I had to drive in to work to go visit Occupational Health, which ranks right up there on my list of favorite things to do, right under root canal. Because parking at my place of employment sucks in ways not yet discovered by modern man, I was surprised to find my favorite parking spot open, as if waiting for me like an old lover. Ahhh...

I saw a nurse practitioner and we went over what happened and where the pain was and blah, blah, blah. After agreeing with the whole "thoracic strain" diagnosis, I was put on restricted duty until my visit next week. In my case, no heavy lifting, pulling or pushing with my left arm. Unrestricted on the right.

That would really suck if I were a left-handed man who was a chronic masturbator.

Happily, I wasn't told to go see Physical Therapy. I hate Physical Therapy. I loathe it. It ranks right up there with onions and child molesters on The Things I Hate Most list. I'd rather sit at home and shove a hot curling iron up my ass than go to Physical Therapy. That's how much I hate it.

So, I return to work Friday, and we'll see how I can manage using only one arm. I can do all the work with my right arm, and the only thing I can do with the left is give the finger to stupid residents.

Before I left, I stopped by Bosshole's office where the Missus was visiting with their new hybrid (i.e. baby). Bosshole wasn't even aware I had been injured until I handed him the work-restriction form. Nothing slips past him, I tell ya! He mentioned we are losing another nurse because she is going to go on disability. If I were a wagering person, I would be willing to guess that it's because the cheese finally slipped off her cracker. After having to work with her, it was easy to tell that her elevator never quite made it to the top floor.

More to the point, staffing on my floor is going to hit critical mass by the end of October. I've resigned myself to the fact that I work in hell, and I am going to go to Costco first thing tomorrow and buy an economy size jar of Vaseline in preparation. I'm not sharing with the other nurses. They are going to need to get their own jars.

On a side note, I checked with the new schedule and I am off the night of the Halloween party. Woo-hoo! The way things are going at work, I'm going to need that night off as a mental health day anyway.

2 comments:

thepaintman said...

I'm the first one to comment. WOOT.

Xavier Onassis said...

"I've resigned myself to the fact that I work in hell, and I am going to go to Costco first thing tomorrow and buy an economy size jar of Vaseline in preparation. I'm not sharing with the other nurses. They are going to need to get their own jars."

Hee hee! My previous job was in sales (at which I sucked ass). After just a few short months on the job, I assembled "The OSHA Kit". It was essentially a free toiletry bag I got for buying some obscenely expensive cologne and filled by yours truly with items to help minimize workplace injuries.

In "The Kit" was a jar of vaseline, a pair of foam rubber knee-pads, and a little bottle of mouthwash. Ya know...for after.

Anytime someone was called into a meeting with the sales manager, we would toss them The Kit.